


Forget the road to happiness, we'll take the train.

by Nachsie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Amputee Dean, Angst with a Happy Ending, Brat Castiel, Happy Ending, Hurt Castiel, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Punk Dean, Realistic, Reality, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, Underage Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-28
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-09 10:39:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 32,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3246590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nachsie/pseuds/Nachsie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel Shurley, a spoiled fourteen year old who grew up in the Hollywood hills with his mansion, private school, and Starbucks on every corner. Gets a reality check following the death of his mother, and is moved out of the Hollywood spotlight to some run down hobble in Detroit. What he finds there might be more than abandon train tracks and a last stop.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. But Why Detroit?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hearts_reflection](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hearts_reflection/gifts).



To quote David Gerrold, Life is hard. Then you die. Then they throw dirt in your face. Then the worms eat you. Be grateful it happens in that order. Here he was, fourteen years old, laying on train tracks waiting for the next train. Blue eyes stared up into the blue sky, squinting up as the sun blinded him. A shadow covered the sun, gaining the blue eyes attention, as he looked up he saw a boy with a mohawk, who was looking down curiously at him.

"What are you doing?" The Mohawk teen asked. His feature's lost because of the sun, but castiel could hear the loud blaring of music from mohawk's headphones.

"Waiting for a train." He admitted, watching as the mohawked boy licked his lips. 

"You'll be waiting a while. Trains been shut down for years." Mohawk shrugged as blue eyes paused, his face full of annoyance as he slowly sat up. 

"....seriously?" Blue eyes groaned plopping back down. "This city is so poor it can't keep up its own train system?!" 

"Welcome to Detroit." The Mohawk guy smiled moving he plopped next to him on the tracks. His skateboard abandoned as he opened his backpack and pulled out a bag of chips. "Chips?" 

The blue eyes sighed letting his annoyance not get in the way of an offer, sliding his hands in grabbing a couple chips chewing on them. 

"I'm Dean, by the way." Mohawk smiled. 

"Castiel." Blue eyes mumbled as he chewed. 

"So, Cas. Why the train?" Dean asked chewing. 

"Its Castiel. Not Cas....and… My Dad took me away from all I care about. He took me from my friends, home, everything...moved me to this hell hole." Castiel glared at the clouds.

"That's not reason to kill yourself." Dean stated as castiel glared at him. 

"What do you know about my life?!" Castiel sat up, as Dean put his hands up defensively. 

"Nothing." Dean sat up, grabbing his board. "I just think, maybe you got more ahead of you than the bottom of a train." Castiel blinked as he watched him skating away. "See ya, Cas."

"It's Castiel!" Castiel called to him, but he was long gone. 

 

 

Castiel opened the door to his new house, the door sticking as he tried to budge it open. When he finally got it open, he stormed in, already hating this place more.

"Castiel, where have you been?" Chuck instantly crossed his arms, as Castiel glared at him.

"Out." Castiel rolled his eyes but Chuck blocked his way to the stairs.

"I told you to stay home today to unpack." Chuck sighed.

"I'm not unpacking. I'm planning to go back to Hollywood." Castiel crossed his arms.

"You aren't going back there, Castiel." Chuck sighed. "This is our new home." 

"I miss our mansion! I miss Amber, Kyle and Jody! I miss coffee shops on every corner, I miss the city! You’ve taken us from somewhere to nowhere-!" Castiel yelled.

"Your mother wanted to raise you here. She always talked about it, and I'm honoring her wishes to raise you in a more...humble environment-" Chuck tried to explain.

"Funny how it takes her death for you to finally listen to her." Castiel pushed past him as he stormed upstairs slamming the door.

 

 

School seriously sucks. Like seriously, first day or not. Castiel's headphones are playing loudly as he sits on the pool sides bench. The day was a whole blur, he wanted to go home. He wanted his private school, he wanted his friends- the touch of sudden cold on the back of his neck caused him to shiver. Knocking the hand away from his neck he wiggled in annoyance, ripping the headphones out to snap at the person. When a soda was held out to him, he looked up seeing Dean, the boy from before who moved to sit next to him. 

"Oh its you." Castiel grumbled accepting the soda as Dean opened his, it lightly exploded and Dean shook his wet hand as Castiel flinched at the spraying soda. 

"Nice to see you too, Cas." Dean laughed taking a drink.

"It's castiel." Castiel snapped sipping his drink. "Shouldn't you be swimming or something?" He stated watching the rest of the class swim. 

"Could ask you the same thing." Dean stated sipping his drink.

"I didn't bring a swimsuit." Castiel growled. "What's your excuse? You too scared to get your mohawk wet, princess?"

"Dude, what's your problem?" Dean scoffed.

"What's yours?" Castiel snapped.

"I'm just trying to be friendly." Dean stated.

"Well don't be! I don't want friends. I won't be here long enough to even bother learning your name." Castiel waved him off, as Dean stood. 

"Wow." Dean scoffed at the total rudeness. "That's what I get for trying to be nice." 

"Look, no one asked you to." Castiel grabbed his backpack walking away but Deans hand grabbed his wrist lightly. 

"No one asked me too. I just...I get it. Thought you might like someone who gets it." Dean stated as Castiel smacked his hand away. 

"Don't you DARE try to act like you know anything about me." Castiel growled. 

"Cas-" Dean softly pulled his hand away.

"Just leave me alone!" Castiel screamed pushing Dean back into the pool with a loud splash and random screams. Feeling empowered for the first time since he was uprooted, he smiled but his smile quickly faded when he realized that everyone in the pool was panicking and screaming with Dean on the bottom of the pool. 

"Oh my god! Dean?!" One girl screamed, as another man dove in for him. "What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Castiel felt cornered, as Dean was brought to the surface coughing roughly. Being pulled to the edge, people from the class helped pull him onto the poolside. Cupping his face, trying to make sure he was okay, as Castiel froze. 

"M-m...my leg!" Dean coughed weakly, as he tried to move towards the pool but they stopped him. That's when Castiel's eyes fell on Dean's stumped leg, and then the metal leg that laid at the bottom of the pool. "It can't be wet! I-it will be ruined!" Dean was almost in tears, as the redhead hugged him, and the man from before who save him went back down for Dean's metal foot. 

"Oh...no..." Castiel groaned knowing he fucked up.

 

 

"Getting in a fight?! Attacking a cripple?!" Chuck yelled as Castiel flinched. "You realize his prosthetic is worth more than our house, correct? You realize the city gave him the prosthetic in honor of his years of community service? Now its completely ruined!"

"I didn't know dad!" Castiel snapped. 

"You are completely out of control." Chuck growled. "Completely."

"Dad-" Castiel groaned.

"The only way you weren't going to be expelled your first day was to do community service. I called Dean Winchester’s parents and offered your services to him till I can afford to get him a new one-" Chuck stated.

"But-!" Castiel groaned.

"No buts! Castiel you could have gotten in trouble with the law if Dean pressed charges. This is the least you can do. You'll be staying at his house in the guest bedroom till this is all sorted out." Chuck stood leaving the room as Castiel flinched at the sound of the bedroom door slam.


	2. Tell the wolves I'm home.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I will love to thank hearts_reflection, for her betaing this piece!

If Castiel knew two things for a fact, as the reality of walking up the steps to the Winchester's apartment proved, is this. One, his father would ship him anywhere so he didn't have to deal with him and two, living on the six floor apartment with no elevator was ridiculous. He watched his father climb up the annoying stairs, holding Castiel's suit case. He heard him repeat the words, “it’s only temporary.” Though Castiel was sure it was… If temporary was a life sentence. His father stopped at the sixth floor walking up to apartment number 67 and set his bag down. 

"Come, Castiel." Chuck beckoned to Castiel, who only realized he had stopped moving a couple minutes prier. Castiel said nothing as he finished walking the steps of the stairs, and slowly made his way to the door. Castiel held himself as His father hesitantly knocked on the door, loud muffled sounds of life indicated someone was home. The door opened with a click as Dean stood on the other side, which in reality he was sitting in a wheelchair. Balancing himself on his wheels while a toddler laughed and giggled on his lap, Dean balanced the child's movements as though they were nothing. On his stump was a large colored sock, that had drawings from what he could only guess was his younger sibling, on it. "You must be Dean. Again, I want to apologize for Castiel's behavior."

"Why do you assume I'm Dean? Is it because of my stump? Maybe stubby runs in the family." Dean asked, causing Chuck to go red. 

"I-I’m sorry I-I didn’t-" Chuck started as Dean earned a slap to the arm by a disheveled blonde woman. 

"Be nice." The blonde shushed him, as she picked up the toddler. "Go wash up for dinner, Dean." Dean looked Chuck up and down before rolling himself towards the hallway. "Excuse him, he's not the happiest in his wheelchair."

"It's quite alright." Chuck smiled holding Castiel's shoulder with one hand, as though he thought Castiel might just take off running, which at this point Castiel was sure it was needed. 

"Thank you for coming, my name is Mary, this is Adam, he’s three. That of course, was Dean. My middle child, Sam, and their father are out working at the restaurant and couldn't be here to greet you." Mary cleared her throat as Castiel and Chuck took a seat on the couch. "Though normally I would refuse the help, with Dean's leg… out of commission, we could use the help around here. Obviously you noticed one of the obvious challenges, the stairs. Though Dean is completely independent, he will still need help for some little things. I work most of the time as a nurse down the street, as well as my husband who owns the burger place, 'Hunter's.' I must confess, when Dean was younger it was easier to help care for him, but a lot has change around here. That's why when you offered to help out-"

"Offered? What a joke." Castiel scoffed, earning a light smack to the back of the head by Chuck. 

After a look of consideration she continued. “Whatever your reason, living here will not be a free ride. Your concern will be tending to Dean. You will work for your meals. Do you understand?" Mary stated.

"Slavery? Wow." Castiel earned another smack.

"He'd be glad to." Chuck spoke for him. "Since he'd rather not go to jail for assault." Chuck stated clearly as Castiel sighed obviously annoyed.

"Alright. If everyone understands the arrangement." Mary stood shaking Chucks hand. "He'll be staying in Dean's room on the bunk bed-"

"A shared room?!" Castiel scoffed. "I thought that only happens in movies. That's like...for poor people-ouch!" Castiel groaned at another smack rubbing his head. 

"So you can help Dean better if he needs help at night." Mary continued hesitantly, as she lead Castiel to the bedroom where posters of black clothed bands and slightly messy clothes laid around, which Mary picked up as she walked. She started to move things off the top bunk which had been used for storage for some time. "The top Is yours, you're welcome to hang up pictures, and you are welcome to half the closet."

"Thank you for your understanding of this whole situation." Chuck stated as he put Castiel's suitcase on the top bunk. 

"Well, in all honesty you can thank Dean for it." Mary said honestly. "Well, I'll leave you to unpack. I'll talk to your father outside for a bit before he comes back to say goodbye-"

"Don't bother, Chuck." Castiel breathed back, as Mary exchanged looks with Chuck before walking out of the room. Castiel heard the door close softly, as he rubbed his face taking in the changes he was enduring. He looked at his bag that laid on top of the bed, right now missing his maids in Hollywood. He heard the door squeak open, his eyes turned to Dean who wheeled himself in. 

"Its not going to unpack itself." Dean teased as Castiel frowned in obvious annoyance but said nothing as he shoved his suitcase into the corner ignoring him. "You know.” Dean continued. “Misery is in the company you keep, thinking this is going to suck, will make it suck." Castiel said nothing as he climbed up on the top bunk, pulling the old blankets against him. 

"Wake me up when this place gets a elevator." Castiel mumbled rudely, commenting on the fact Castiel would have to carry Dean down the six flights of stairs anytime Dean required it. Dean was quiet as he turned, leaving the room closing the door behind him.

 

 

Screams interrupted his sleep, startling him awake. As castiel took a tumble off the open sided bunk bed with a loud groan. He groaned a quiet slow groan as he assessed how close he was to death, when the answer was not even close, he slowly pulled himself off the wooden floor. Pulling the door open with a heavy swing, he watched the toddler Adam screaming as he chased a ball Dean was throwing from the couch. Dean focused on a math book, another kid was talking to him. The tall preteen was maybe eleven, finishing off the homework he was given for over the weekend. The preteen paused seeing Castiel, which caused Dean's gaze as well. The room growing silent as the toddler attempted to grab the ball from under the bookshelf, curiously examining the area which it disappeared to.

"This the asshole who ruined your leg?" The preteen asked bluntly. 

"Sam." Dean stated warningly, but Sam's cruel stare was unwavered, Castiel slightly shrinking into himself. 

"Just because mom said to be nice to him, doesn't mean I will." Sam stated, glaring Castiel down. "Instead of sleeping till god knows when, make yourself useful and get Dean a plate of leftovers." The two glared at each other, the boiling hate obvious in the strangers.

"Sam, its okay. I got it." Dean said trying to diffuse the situation, by moving to his chair. Though it was unneeded since Castiel had moved to the kitchen, examining the unknown kitchen with curiosity. Finding a plate took a couple minutes, which no one spoke during. He found leftover spaghetti in the fridge, poured all the contents onto a plate, and he threw it in the microwave for only a couple minutes. He never really ate leftovers, but he assumed it was easy to cook since it was already cooked...right? Castiel opened the microwave after it beeped, he made an effort to slam the microwave in rebellion. Before moving to Dean and roughly dropping the plate in front of him, glaring at Sam. Dean cringed at the glass hitting the table, just wanting the situation over. He awkwardly grabbed the barely heated and overabundant plate of spaghetti, smiling nervously up at Castiel. Who stood crossed armed and defensively as he stared focused on sam. Sam instantly snatching the plate from Dean's grasp, he stood making sure Dean couldn't take it back.

"Its not even warm!" Sam snapped moving over to the microwave angrily punching in another cook time. "Seriously, no wonder your dad just abandoned you here-"

"THAT IS ENOUGH SAM." Dean yelled causing Sam to bite his tongue. Sam angrily turned, storming off into his room, making sure to hit Castiel angrily in the shoulder as he went. Castiel's arm brushed over the hit, his eyes hollow to the word as Dean looked down. "He didn't mean it...its just...hard for everyone to see me in my chair again...it brings back some-"

"Do you need me for anything?" Castiel stated obviously upset, not caring about Dean or his words. Dean licked his lips, looking down swallowing the words that he started to pour out. 

"No." Dean breathed out knowing Castiel didn't care.

"Can I go back to my room?" Castiel stated, but he didn't wait for Dean to answer yes, before storming into the room slamming the door as the microwave beeped. 

 

 

Castiel didn't know how long he laid on the bunk bed, but he knew for sure the sun had been up when he started. He heard the light grunts of struggle, as he peered his head over the bed, seeing Dean struggling to collect a towel from the closet. He had pajama pants and underwear but the towel and T-shirt were beyond his reach. Castiel climbed off the bed, walking over he sighed, taking the towel off from the folded pile of towels. Handing it to Dean without much of a word, Dean took it hesitantly.

"Sorry… this was easier when I had something close to two feet." Dean cleared his throat, as Castiel gave him an look that obviously showed he didn't care.

"What shirt do you want?" Castiel stated coldly, as Dean pointed to one in the closet quietly. Castiel taking it from the hook, he tossed it at Dean, Dean smoothing the shirt in his hand. "I'm assuming you're taking a shower?" 

"Yeah." Dean looked up but Castiel had already moved to push the wheelchair towards the door of their room. "You don't h-have to-"

"My slavery qualifications predict otherwise." Castiel clicked his tongue, as he pushed Dean past Sam's room. Sam looked up slightly from his book, a glare still obvious on his face. Castiel ignored it pushing Dean completely into the bathroom, he moved away from the wheelchair to start the water. He let his hand feel the warming water lost in thought, before Dean's voice caught his attention.

"Hey… I don't… blame you for what happened." Dean spoke as castiel pulled his hand away. "I mean, how were you suppose to know-" 

"Do you need help getting into the bath or not?" Castiel stated rudely hands on his hips, Dean showed serious annoyance on his face biting his lip as he hit his fist lightly on the chair. 

"Fine. If that's how you want it. Fine." Dean stated, close to snapping because of Castiel's obvious rudeness. "Yes. I need help into the bath. I can undress myself, I just need you here to hold my chair. Then you will just get the fuck out. Okay?" Castiel said nothing, moving to sit on the bath rim, his hand on the armrest, looking away as he listened to squeaks of the chair, before the sound of water being disturbed made him hold down the chair till the opposing weight was no more. Castiel stood ready to leave, as Dean's voice stopped him. 

"Hand me the pill bottle on the top shelf." Castiel's eyes shuffled towards the medicine cabinet, opening it he fished out the bottle labeled motrin. He leaned his hand back tossing him the pills, avoiding Dean's naked body, as he heard Dean open the bottle. 

"I'll scream if I need you." Dean stated popping one into his mouth, lightly leaning back in the tub, he closed his eyes sucking on the motrin like candy as Castiel moved closing the door.

 

 

Helping Dean out of the bath was hard. Dean was heavy. Castiel saw more dick than he ever wanted to, but he managed to get Dean onto the toilet seat, where Dean dried and dressed himself. Dean's body was a bit more muscular than the average, Castiel assumed because of the fact he used his upper body strength for everything. Though he didn't ask or question, when he wheeled Dean into the living room, he went back for the motrin so the toddler didn't get his hands on it. Though unable to find it, he assumed Dean must have finished the last one and discarded it, not bothering to search the trash like it was a national treasure. 

Sam was in his room, typing away at his computer with his headphones in as Dean watched some sort of tattoo show. Castiel found himself watching as well, the familiar pans of Hollywood scenery made him miss home more than ever. 

"Like tattoos?" Dean asked curious by Castiel's sudden attention. 

"No. I... Hollywood. I use to live a block from that shop." Castiel stated more focused on the TV than the conversation.

"Really?" Dean stated interested. "I've always wanted to go to Hollywood. Is it as awesome as people say?"

"Better." Castiel stated with a sense of pride. 

"Maybe we can go one day and you can show me around?" Dean smiled happily as Castiel rolled his eyes scoffing.

"Please… Like I'd be caught dead with the likes of you." Castiel laughed pulling out his cellphone to text Amber, missing the smile fade from Dean's face. Dean's hand slid unconsciously over his stump leg, mistaking Castiel's words for a much crueler meaning than intended.


	3. Last Call

Castiel wished he dreamed. Wished every night to be welcome to the scent of his mother's perfume, to feel her hands wrap around him in a embrace. To see her once again, laughing and smiling into a cup of coco. Though with his mother's death, he lost his dreams, he lost the map of her face, the sound of her voice- things he promised he'd never forget. Though her death was not long ago, the thoughts and feeling of her was that, just thoughts and feelings. Its funny what you don't pay attention to till that's all you have left. He wasn't sure how long he was staring at her Facebook wall, looking and examining each photo she had posted. The last one being of her and baby castiel when he was no older than five. Smiling and laughing into a selfie with the young boy, the camera was blurry and faded. 

Though the day in question was a blur, the hours they had spent playing 'see me.' Was what he could remember out of his earlier memories. His mother would blindfold him and show him how to feel the world and it's object in a new way. The game being to figure out what he was touching, a blanket. A car. A lamb at the petting zoo his mother had taken him to. The world and all its beauty and color faded with her, and castiel could only make out the gray. 

 

 

 

 

Dean didn't work too hard on his hair when he was home, castiel observed. Dean's hair a mess of unkempt hair without all the gel, but castiel had to admit Dean didn't look too bad with it that way especially with the reading glasses. Castiel stared at Dean as he slowly munched on cereal, that Dean was too invested in his book to notice. The house quiet for the first time since their arrival, castiel's chewing was the only thing killing the silence in the room as Dean rubbed his stump unconsciously. 

"Tell me." Castiel spoke mouth full. "Why do you live in a apartment without a elevator?" Dean took off the reading glasses rubbing his eyes.

"It wasn't such a problem when I had my prosthetic." Dean stated. "I haven't had to use my wheelchair in years. Been almost four years since I got it? We moved shortly after that so we could be closer to mom's work and the restaurant. So we didn't think much about it, till this happened." Castiel nodded chewing on his Cereal, going back to it.

"This must be the easiest conversation we ever had." Dean chuckled. "Mostly because your mouths too full to comment back with insults." Castiel raised an eyebrow in his bitch face which only caused Dean to laugh harder. 

"Har Har." Castiel mumbled through a full mouth. "Where's everyone anyways?"

"Dad's at the restaurant and everyone else is at church." Dean stated closing the book.

"Church?" Castiel questioned his face obviously disgusted by the idea. 

"My mom grew up religious. Its kind of her thing." Dean stated tossing the glasses on the table. 

"Why don't you go?" Castiel asked, grateful he wasn't up that early to hike Dean down the six flights. 

"I don't believe in god. Not after this." Dean patted his stump, he moved slightly to relax on the couch better but castiel's words almost went unnoticed as he fished for the last bit if his cereal. 

"Me either." Castiel's shaky voice almost unreal as he stood to wash his dishes. Dean watched him as castiel turned on the water, dean swearing he saw tears slid down his pale cheeks.

 

 

"Hi, castiel. It's me. Mom. Obviously." The message started his ear pressed against his cellphone, she had left him this the night she died. Only hours before. "I am totally being a lame mom and asking where you are. It's getting pretty late, and I don't want you out too late. Not with the recent muggings in the area. Do you still have that pepper spray I gave you? I'm just finishing up. Call me if you want a ride home okay? I love you." The sound of her hanging up made castiel drop his arm from his ear, the sound of the message repeating the options to save or delete the message from five months prior. Castiel clicked save, before sitting up from the bed at the sound of Dean entering the room. 

"You're boring, Mr. Hollywood." Dean chuckled.

"I'm boring?" Castiel sat up scoffing. 

"What have you done in the Last two days besides eat all my moomoo cereal?" Dean asked as castiel blushed about to lie saying he didn't but dean cut him off. "I know it was you."

"I took care of your ass-" castiel was cut off with a hand in the face from dean. 

"Mind carrying my fat ass down six flights of stairs? I want to show you something." Dean smiled as castiel raised an eyebrow.

 

 

"Sorry, sorry." Dean cried out as Castiel lowered him with effort into his wheelchair, as Castiel panted his hands on his knees. He glanced up at the stairs he successfully carried him down, wiping the sweat from his brow. 

"God, you are fat." Castiel panted softly, as Dean snickered at his words.

"Come on hurry up! We are going to miss it!" Dean stated as castiel with a heavy sigh, started to push dean. 

"Where to?" Castiel swallowed his dry throat.

"Up, Mr. Hollywood! Up my good, sir!" Dean pointed up the sloped uphill. 

"Up hill?" Castiel groaned as he pushed it up the long uphill road. 

 

 

"How much farther?" Castiel pushed tiredly, he was panting and shaking as he got to the top of the hill. Blocking their path from going any longer was the row of houses that signaled the end of the path. "It's sunset and I don't like being out at night. What did you want to show me?" 

"You can let me go here." Dean stated as castiel let go, groaning at his support being gone because of how tired he was. Dean turned the chair around as he sat next to castiel smiling at the sunset. "This is part of it." Castiel swallowed his tired panting as his eyes danced over the blues, purples, reds-every color so vibrant as the sun disappeared. Castiel stood quietly watching with Dean till the sun's bright light was almost gone. "Quick! Jump on my lap!" Dean smiled his hands on his wheels, smirking as he looked like he was about to race. 

"Dude. Seriously, if you took me here to jump your bones, that is indeed the worse way of doing it." Castiel scoffed at what he thought was a bad pick up line. 

"Just climb on!" Dean smiled a huge smile causing castiel to cave to the command and sat on dean's lap like a child telling Santa their wish list. 

"I swear to god, dean. I have pepper spray, I have no guilt in spraying a cripple." Castiel warned at the unfamiliar request.

"Hold on!" Dean said without much other warning, letting go the wheels of his chair, castiel felt the chair slowly start moving forwards down the hill. 

"D-Dean! Dont you dare-" Castiel clamped onto Dean's neck as Dean's arms snaked around him, making sure to hold him in place. The chair descending at high speeds down the hill, castiel screaming as they passed by houses, and unoccupied cars and empty sidewalks. They followed the sun's descending light, almost as though racing the light. The wheelchair coming to a skid in front of the apartment, smacking roughing into a side of the fire hydrant. Castiel screams turning into terrified wheezing as he still clinged to dean. Dean, relaxing, started laughing as he ran his fingers through his hair. "Well, that was fun." 

"We could have died, and your first thought was that was FUN?!" Castiel shaking like a lamb climbed off Dean's lap, steading his shaky knees.

"Isn't that why you laid on the train tracks to feel something, right? To feel something other than pain?" Dean asked.

"What are you my therapist?!" Castiel screamed at him. 

"Look, that's my train tracks. That ride. That reminds me of my will to live. Living on the edge, having my heart race. I don't get that anymore. You are a whole person, you still have chances to make your heartbeat in your chest like that. Don't lose everything you are because whatever's on the end of that phone-" Dean stated moving closer. 

"Don't." Castiel hissed as Dean cut him off. 

"I see the way you look when you look at your phone. I see the sadness when you listen to your voicemail. Whatever it is, its only hurting you, you gotta let it go-" Dean half expected the punch he got to the face, he expected the pain as he slid his hand over the pain in his face. 

"Go to hell." Castiel swallowed the tears in his eyes threatening to fall as he bolted up the apartment stairs leaving Dean outside. 

 

 

 

Castiel sniffed, burying his face into his pillow. His eyes puffy and red from his tears, as the sound of the door creaking made him raise his head slightly. Standing at the door, was john winchester, his face unreadable as he stood emotionless. 

"Get your coat and come downstairs." John said closing the door, the tone as unreadable as his emotions. Castiel sniffed once again, hoping off the bunk bed, he made sure all his things were in his suitcase. Knowing the Winchester's were going to ask him to leave after he punched their son, and left him downstairs till they got home. He slid on the coat he left on the desk chair, before hesitantly walking out into the hall. Passing the kitchen was the hardest, Dean, Mary, Sam and Adam eating some home cooked meal, but eyes drew to him as he crossed in front of them to get to the front door. He threw open the door quickly, walked down the stairs, he saw john sitting in his car. The engine warming up the car, as castiel hesitantly climbed into the old car. John said nothing as they drove, as castiel wiped his nose with his sleeve. "Cold?" John turned up the heater, making it warmer in the car. 

"So when is my dad coming?" Castiel spoke softly. 

"Hmm?" John asked.

"You are sending me away right? For...what I did to Dean today." Castiel sniffed, as john took in a deep breath. 

"Thought that might be a good idea when I saw Dean trying to pull himself up the stairs with his chair..." John stated as castiel looked down ashamed. "But...dean made it perfectly clear that it was just deserved." Castiel looked up surprised as john pulled up to the closed restaurant. He got out, castiel followed hesitantly, walking in john discarded their coats on the rack. John washed his hands, sliding on his apron, he started to cook two fresh hamburger meats, as castiel sat watching him from the bar stool. 

"I don't... Do well with the emotions, but for some reason that boy has got a lot of them..." John sighed as he cooked, it was obvious john hid his feelings in his cooking. "Dean wants to keep you around. Said it will do you some good...but I never claimed that boy was a good judge of character..." Castiel remained silent as the delicious smells swarmed the grill. John moving away to bring fresh vegetables in front of castiel, with a knife. Castiel got the hint, cutting the veggies as john continued. "But he's got a good heart." 

"No offense but I didn't sign up to be saved." Castiel stated as he cut the lettuce.

"I don't think anyone does." John gave a sympathetic smile as he flipped the burger, his eyes scanned castiel before he spoke. "You lost someone...didn't you?" Castiel stopped cutting as he paused his movements tensing. "Don't worry, what is said in the Hunter's stays. I won't be gossiping to dean about it, but I've...seen that look before." John started as he slowly watched castiel cut in silence. "Has...Dean talked about how he lost his leg?" 

"No, sir." Castiel spoke slightly curious.

"Dean lost more than his leg that day. We all did." John stated though it was hard to continue. 

"Does it have anything to do with his scars?" Castiel hesitantly asked. "I noticed he's got surgical scars on his chest..." John's face was obvious he wasn't going to confirm or continue as he slid the burgers into the buns. Moving them to the bar, castiel added the onions, lettuce and tomatoes, as they topped the burgers with mayo, ketchup and mustard. John taking a seat next to castiel, he bit into his burger. Castiel hesitantly taking a bite of his own. Hot and juicy, castiel instantly loved the taste, a smile forming on his face. John didn't speak another word, they sat in silence in the closed restaurant, john gave his shoulder a tender squeeze of affection and Castiel surprised himself by almost missing the fatherly touch when it was finally over.


	4. In Your head

To quote Sylvia Plath,

'Dying is an art, like everything else. I do it exceptionally well. I do it so it feels like hell. I do it so it feels real. I guess you could say I've a call.'

Castiel guessed instead of dying, his art was making the whole school single handedly hate him. He wheeled Dean through the school, people coming up to say hi to Dean. Making sure he was okay. Castiel frowned noticeably trying to keep his head down. It wasn't like he shot dean or anything. This wasn't a planned assassination attempt. Yet everyone glared at him like he had gotten away with murder. 

Castiel didn't care, he didn't CARE what these stupid backward rednecks thought of him. He couldn't WAIT to get away from dean and his non stop rambling mouth, castiel was sure was a blatant attempt to ease him from the hate. 

"I'll be back after class." Castiel pushed dean to the door, quickly trying to leave. He was almost home free when Dean's homeroom teacher held a paper in front of his face. 

"Where are you going?" The teacher asked.

"Homeroom." Castiel snapped annoyed.

"Don't bother. You've been transfered to my homeroom." The teacher stated as castiel snatched the paper in anger. 

"What?!" Cas snapped reading over the schedule, dean blinking innocently up between them. "You gotta be kidding me."

"You've been transferred to all the appropriate classes to help dean for your community service." The teacher stated. "Dean, he will take the empty seat next to yours. Show him to his seat." 

"Cool." Dean smiled as he started to wheel himself towards his larger desk. "This is going to be so awesome."

"Can't fucking wait." Castiel mumbled angrily. 

 

 

 

 

Castiel sat picking at his lunch, texting his friends, as Dean continued to talk castiels ear off though castiel was obviously not listening anymore. 

"-and I said 'you can't ID him! He's a miner!' Get it? Miner? Minor?" Dean chuckled to himself as castiel looked up annoyed. 

"Do you...ever stop talking?" Castiel scoffed.

"Look. I get it. You're still a little upset about the thing I said about the voicemail-" dean wasn't expecting the water thrown in his face, but granted he was happy it was just water. Castiel raised an eyebrow holding the empty cup threateningly not to mess with him. "Okay more than a little pissed-"

"Dean. Do you think we are friends?" Castiel asked sweetly leaning forward, as he set the cup down. 

"Yeah. I mean-" dean smiled happily went castiel cut him off.

"That's where our problem lies. You see dean, I'm shackled to your hip till my father pays up. This? Us? Is a business arrangement. I don't care about you and I want you to stop trying to care about me. Get it?" Castiel stated coldly standing up, he saw the slight hurt on Dean's face before walking away. 

 

 

 

 

 

"Wow, seriously castiel that sounds like hell." Jody stated as he sighed leaning against the wall behind the school.

"It is." Castiel slid down the wall phone to his ear. "I'm a slave."

"Which is totally like...illegal right? Didn't Obama do something about slavery?" Jody was never the smartest lightbulb but she was always a hoot. 

"Yeah." Castiel chuckled softly trying not to mock her by correcting her. "These stupid rednecks don't care..."

"I heard that like Detroit is like so ghetto it looks like a war zone with like blown up buildings. Is that true? I even heard they don't have a Starbucks. " Jody asked, castiel looked around. Okay, so Jody was off her mark on that. 

"I got to go, Jody. Schools over." Castiel stated. He hasn't returned to school since lunch, just waited behind the school to be over. He knew dean was fully capable of pushing himself. If winded, he was sure someone else would help, since the punk was for some reason extremely popular. He hung up the phone, turning to go find Dean he guessed. When a fist collided with his face hard, castiel sent instantly to the ground. His nose bleeding as he looked up at the older high schoolers.

"Calling us Rednecks, huh?" The man castiel recognized as Cain, who always went out of his way to always talk to Dean. Castiel swore that kid was a saint, the way he put up with Dean rambling incoherently about everything. Castiel earned himself a swift kick in the head, the other seniors laughing as castiel shielded his face. "Bullying cripples? Who the fuck do you think you are, Hollywood?" Cain kicked his stomach, sending castiel into the brick wall. 

"What first pissed me off is he seems to have some sort of attachment to you." Cain lit a cigarette, as he stomped on castiel's back. "I mean, I've been trying to get at him for years now, then Mr. Hollywood here shows up and you're all Dean talks about." Castiel cried out as Cain stepped on his fingers. 

" 'Castiel is such a good guy, guys' 'he's just adjusting' 'he didn't know better.' 'I caused him to get angry, don't take it out on him.' " Cain twisted his foot causing castiel to scream. "I don't know what he sees in you."

"My last straw was taking Dean to the nurses office today." Cain spat at him. "His chest hurt from wheeling himself around, needs to be careful because of his heart, but I guess you didn't care. Found dean crying his eyes out in the hall."

"D-Dean?" Castiel sucked out a whimper from pain.

"Spent all last period in the nurses office, begging no one to tell his parents. Begging no one to call an ambulance." Cain said blowing out smoke. "You are a piece of shit. You dont deserve the air you breathe-" 

"Cain?" Dean came around the corner, Cain quickly moving his foot off castiel's hand. Acting like he was helping castiel up. "Castiel?! What happened?!" Dean moved to him concerned, but Cain's glare at castiel's head knew he should keep his mouth shut. 

"I-I fell." Castiel wiped his bloody nose. "I'm fine." 

"Let's get you to the nurses office." Dean stated worried, he moved to touch castiel but castiel flinched away. Dean looked hurt as he softly pulled his hands away. 

"I just want to go home." Castiel whispered yanking away from Cain roughly, he roughly grabbed for Dean's chair pushing it towards the front. Castiel pushed dean on the side walk, through the park trying to get home as fast as he could, the ride not being so pleasant for Dean. 

 

 

 

 

 

"Castiel. Stop." Dean stated, but castiel continued. "Castiel. I'm serious stop." Castiel refusing to listen before Dean put the brakes on his wheel chair, causing castiel to run into it groaning in pain. "Sit on the bench." Castiel in too much pain to argue, he sat on the park bench. Dean moving the chair towards him, he took out the small first aid kit and started to patch castiel up. "This will hurt." Castiel hissed, recoiling his face as Dean grabbed his chin holding it in place. 

"Did Cain do this?" Dean asked but castiel stayed silent. "You can tell me."

"Is there something wrong with your heart?" Castiel mocked back. "You can tell me."

"W...where did you hear that?" Dean looked down fumbling with the medkit. 

"Cain, somewhere between my fingers being crushed and my ribs being kicked." Castiel groaned in pain. 

"He...has a soft spot for me." Dean sighed. "I helped his brother in our suicide anonymous meetings. His brother claims I'm the reason his life turned around...I'm sorry for him. I'll talk to him-"

"Were you crying in pain at school today?" Castiel asked, dean tensed. 

"I-I-" dean was taken back looking away. "No."

"You're a piss poor liar." Castiel snapped. 

"I-I-" dean swallowed as castiel's hand slid over dean's who was fumbling over a band aid. 

"What's wrong with your heart." Castiel breathed softly, as Dean looked down taking a breath. 

"Its not a big deal, I'm just dying." Dean laughed like it was no big deal running his fingers through his hair. Castiel looked at him with confusion. Was he joking? Who can say something like that so nonchalantly? The confusion quickly turned to anger.

"That isn't funny, dean." Castiel snapped standing. 

"No...I guess it isn't..." Dean looked down spoken in a whisper, as he felt castiel angrily grab the chair. No one speaking the whole way home. 

 

 

 

 

 

Castiel didn't speak to Dean since they got home, just made dean some food. Got him juice, and just avoided him like the plague. Dean chewed on the chips that sided his sandwich. Licking his fingers, completely invested in SHIPPING WARS. Castiel texting angrily in the kitchen facing away from him as he updated his Facebook, twitter and tumblr about how much he fucking hated it here. His thumb paused at the sentence he was typing, looking up only when he finished the sentence. 

'Who jokes about dying? #attentionwhores :-\ '

His eyes followed back to dean who rubbed his stump as he watched tv. His shirt and pants becoming napkins to his food, as he watched with interest who made the most money. Dean seemed unaffected by the previous conversation between them, while castiel kept repeating it in his head. Castiel stood up angrily, grabbing the remote he turned off the tv. 

"Hey! I was watching that." Dean frowned. 

"Apologize." Castiel snapped instantly. 

"For what?" Dean asked.

"You know why!" Castiel hissed pointing at him. "That was fucked up, not funny and I demand you apologize."

"Fine. I'm sorry for dying. Now can I please have the remote?" Dean sighed annoyed. 

"Why do you keep saying that?!" Castiel snapped becoming more emotional by the second.

"Because its true. I've known for a while. Let it go and give me the remote." Dean held out his hand, as castiel smacked his hand away. 

"STOP LYING!" Castiel hissed a ball of emotions, how could he joke about a serious subject?! All he could think of was his mother dead in the morgue and here dean was joking. 

"You said yourself. I'm a piss poor liar. Look, I've known I've been dying for a year now. I did my crying. I did my begging. I did this to myself." Dean snapped. "There's no use crying about it now. Now give me the damn remote." 

"..." Castiel bit his lip, tossing him the remote he stormed out the front door. 

 

 

 

 

 

Mary looked over her patient chart, turning she almost collided with castiel who stood panting from running there. His clothes lightly wet from the start of the rain outside, Mary jumped. 

"Castiel?! Jesus! Shit. Sorry, Jesus." Mary groaned. "Is everything alright? ...What happened to your nose?"

"Is dean dying?" Castiel said a little more loudly than he intended, causing the hospital nurses around to look at them. Mary grabbed castiel's arm, yanking him into a empty room quickly. 

"Did he tell you this?" Mary crossed his arms. 

"Yes." Castiel whispered, as Mary relaxed a little softly playing with her clipboard. "Is it true?"

"...yes." Mary sighed sadly, castiel said nothing moving to sit on the made bed.

"I...thought he was joking..." Castiel swallowed. 

"Did...he tell you why?" Mary asked softly placing a hand on castiel's shoulder.

"I know it involves his heart..." Castiel stated, his body felt conflicted. He wasn't sure how he felt about dean, but the idea that...dean...dean was a good person... But then...it looked like the good ones suffer the most. 

"I won't...go into too much detail...since it's not my place to say...but as it stands right now. Dean is rejecting his transplant heart..." Mary sucked in air. 

"What...does that mean?" Castiel asked. 

"Think...of it like the light in your fridge...it stops working you replace it. The new light bulb works for a while, but then it slowly starts flickering...then goes out completely." Mary bit her lip holding her shaking hands. 

"Dean got a new one before! W-why can't he-" castiel paused as Mary wiped a tear looking away. 

"There..was special circumstances at that time...and now...Dean isn't eligible for a new heart." Mary stood wiping her eyes. "I said too much, I'll call john to pick you up."

 

 

 

 

 

The ride home was quiet as John's old pick up truck whined and rocked on the uneven road. Castiel looking down at his hands the whole time, Sam glaring daggers into his head and Adam fast asleep in the chair. 

"Dad had to close up early because of you." Sam snapped. 

"Hey." John called back, which earned Sam's silence.

"I...I'm sorry...I'm sorry I'm such a problem." Castiel's eyes filled with tears, falling onto his hands. Sam noticed the tears, instantly recoiling with regret. "I'm such a sickness, anyone close to me dies...my mother... Dean...its all my fault. If I didn't stay out late with my friends at some stupid party, my mother never would have been out looking for me. She never would have been killed by that car jacker..." Castiel hissed his knuckles white in anger. "Dean's going to die too...he's the only person who seems to believe there is anything more than a monster inside me...but he doesn't get i'm a slow poison...i'm going to kill him too." Castiel sobbed loudly, John softly pulled the car over pulling castiel into a tight bear hug. Castiel sobbed into his chest, tears for his mother...tears for Dean.


	5. Fighting for nothing

There were two things castiel was certain about Dean Winchester. One that Dean Winchester was secretly the worse surprise party planner ever. And that Dean winchester was secretly some sort of religious saint.

After Castiel's meltdown in the car, he had been treating Dean more tenderly. Trying not to be rude, watching His mouth, thing castiel never fucking did for anyone. Trying not to seem so closed off actually kind of opened him to how funny dean was. Stupid jokes and one liners, actually caused castiel to crack up once so bad at the kitchen table that everyone was startled. 

Lets get one thing straight, castiel had not changed his life in the last two months of living with the Winchesters. Didn't suddenly become the perfect kid. He still got into fights with Dean, and Sam and castiel weren't friends. Though now obvious he was trying, was enough to make things a bit better in the house. Hated it less, but still missed Hollywood. 

He found himself actually listening at Deans meetings to dean speak, that happened in the community center twice a week. Dean was honestly the best speaker, talking about reasons suicide wasn't an option. How things could get better. Castiel could choke on the positivity dean spewed from his mouth. Castiel could almost see the halo wrapped so tightly around dean's mouth, but the thought instantly recoiled by the realization that dean would one day be a real angel. 

Cain hadn't bothered him since the fight almost three weeks ago, and castiel's bruised ribs thanked god for that. Mostly because dean had given him the silent treatment on all levels and refused to even look at him when present. Though Cain normally wasn't present at the meets which sometimes he came to support his brother, it was the only time dean spoke to him. Luckily today was not one of those days Cain showed up. 

"Well, I can answer every and any questions. I'm a open book." Dean always finishes the meetings, as one girl shied her hand up. 

"I hope its not too personal...but what was your reason to wanting to kill yourself?" Annabelle asked softly as the whole room focused on Dean. Castiel slid his phone away, interested as well. 

"Well...let me start with the obvious." Dean patted his stump. "I lost my leg. Sounds stupid out loud but that's part of the story." Dean took a breath. "When I was eight years old, and had obviously two legs. I was a curious little thing. Always wanting to explore and see the world from new angles...my partner in crime however wasn't so much into that. My twin brother Jackson, was in all honesty the total opposite of me. Minded the rules. Did what he was told..." Dean smiled sadly.  
Dean had a twin? Castiel leaned forward to listen.

"We were playing in a old crumbling building, long story short. The building came down on us. My brother and I were in critical condition, where he died in the ambulance and I was rushed off to surgery. Needless to say I lost my leg. I also managed to fuck over some very vital organs, that they were able to take from my brother to save me..." Dean breathed in tears. 

"I didn't deserve life. I was the reason he died. He never would have gone in if it wasn't for me." Dean sucked in air. "My brother was my other half. The good I could always see in him. I didn't take his death well. Started popping pain meds like candy to hollow the emotional pain of losing him. One night when I was eleven I took my whole bottle, parents found me. Called nine one one... The whole shebang. I was on suicide watch my whole stay. Seeing...my parents faces...seeing them in that pain I only saw when they lost Jackson was enough to turn my whole life around. I started this program in my basement, first one joined then another. And you know where they are today? Thanking themselves for everyday they didn't give up. I did. You will all one day too. Thank you for coming."

Castiel stood softly as the people shuffled out of the room, soon there was only dean and him. Dean looked up sadly, at him wiping his tears, as castiel stood in front of him. 

"I've never seen you lie before." Castiel stood emotionlessly holding their coats. 

"Lie? I was telling the truth-" Dean fumbled.

"I saw your face when you said you thanked yourself everyday for not killing yourself." Castiel stated. "You lied."

"Hm." Dean stated rubbing his chin softly. "You caught that?" 

"You still wish it was you that died...that you wish you could take his place." Castiel said his voice shook with emotion. "I know that lie." 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Dean softly patted the chair next to him, castiel hesitated to sit down but finally did. 

"I was at a party when my mom died." Castiel stated softly looking at the floor. "Their parents were out of town and I was invited to attend their older sisters party. So we went after school, I told my mom I was hanging at the park with my friends. After a while, I was too plastered to realize I was out past my curfew. My mom panicked, calling my cell off the hook, she decided to go to the park and get me. While there a carjacker tried to get her out of the car, she struggled and the gun accidentally went off. I woke up at my friends house covered in throw up, a nasty hangover and my mom dead." 

"It's not your fault." Dean stated softly his hand touched castiel's giving it a comforting squeeze. 

"I'm tired of people saying that. It was. She'd still be alive if I just-" castiel sniffed burying his face into his hand. 

"If I just did this one small thing?" Dean offered softly squeezing castiel's hand as castiel nodded, castiel moving to bury his head into Dean's shoulder. Deans arms wrapped around him comfortingly. 

"I thought that every day, let it consume me till all I felt was anger, pain and regret. I pushed away everyone I cared about and all I did was cause more pain to the people who care about me." Dean breathed. 

"No one cares about me..." Castiel hiccupped, tears sliding down his face. "Not my father...no one." 

"I care." Dean spoke with such faith in those words. Castiel's fingers intertwined in Dean's shirt, looking up at him dean moved to cup his face wiping the tears away. "I've always cared about you and your stupid loud over opinionated mouth." Castiel and dean softly chuckled at that, castiel raised his eyes to look at dean's. Still pressed against dean in a sort of awkward hug, his face barely an inch away from Dean's. 

He didn't know what stupid part in his brain made him slowly lean forward, but the second castiel's eyes left Dean's eyes. He found contact with him once again with the brushing of their lips. His brain went dead, as the soft innocent kiss turned into multiple soft innocent kisses. Dean's fingers sliding up to lightly thumb over his cheekbones. 

Castiel gripped dean's shirt tightly, as their lips slow and steadily parted in their constant kisses. Castiel letting out a small whimpered noise as their tongues slid against each other experimentally. The kiss a slow build, but the pace remained the same, castiel moved to deepen it a little too hard and dean's wheelchair slid back breaking the kiss. 

They stared at each other blinking as Dean's chair slowly coming to a stop on its own, dean clearing his throat as he slowly put up his hand breaks. 

"I-i...forgot the...brakes..." Dean coughed blushing so brightly he couldn't look castiel in the face. Castiel blushed as well, dean looked so cute and embarrassed castiel broke into a fit of laughter. 

 

 

 

 

 

Castiel kissed Dean. Dean kissed back. Now here was Dean Winchester arguing with castiel about something castiel even forgot why. They were yelling to just yell at this point. 

"I SWEAR TO GOD DEAN WINCHESTER YOU ARE THE MOST ANNOYING MAN ALIVE!" Castiel snapped fighting with him with the remote. Ah. Castiel remembered. Dean wanted to watch that stupid home improvement channel again. They wrestled loudly on the couch, dean hitting him with the stump, which castiel was insistent was cheating. 

Sam sighed just closing his laptop, standing abruptly before the two idiots crushed him on the couch. Collecting his backpack, he rolled his eyes moving to the door. 

"I'm going to the library, I don't want to catch stupid." Sam stated but went unnoticed as he left. Dean and castiel still fumbling together, roughly trying to snatch it from the other.

"O-Ouch! My knee!" Dean cried out in pain, as castiel instantly recoiled pulling back and off of him. Dean holding his leg cradling it, but when castiel had gotten off, dean started snickering pointing to his leg he had revealed was his stump that didn't have a knee on. "Gotcha."

"You're such an ass." Castiel mumbled angrily as dean grabbed his face softly. 

"I'm sorry, come here." Dean laughed softly at his mean prank, pulling him easily into a kiss. Castiel kissed back hesitantly, still slightly angry at the prank. What was this? Castiel softly was pulled on top of Dean who obviously wanted him there. Slowly and easily making out on the couch, the TV instantly forgotten about. 

 

 

 

 

 

Castiel wasn't gay. He made out with Dean sometimes but...that was like...in right? That didn't make him gay, right? They weren't always all over each other. They acted normally, fought all the time like always, and Dean still annoyed castiel like no tomorrow...but sometimes when they were alone...their lips met. 

The most common places dean and castiel found themselves in slow make out sessions was after Dean's meetings, and times when they were home alone. Though both never talked about it, castiel had to admit...dean had the most tender hands. His fingers danced across castiel's cheekbones as they made out, and castiel melted into these calluses.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Facebook popped up with 'Happy birthdays' notifications, Dean groaned as the phone went off the hook since midnight. He tiredly opened one of his eyes, weakly trying to kick the top bunk to wake sleeping beauty to turn his cell off. Dean realized how bad his attempt was, as he strained his stump wiggling lightly in the air. Dean laughing at his poor attempt, though trying to not wake himself up more than he was. He turned around kicking the bed, castiel's snore stopped abruptly. 

"Wake up dipshit." Dean mumbled as the phone kept going off. 

"What time is it?" Castiel stated with a yawn. 

"Three am. Your phone has been going off since eleven fifty nine." Dean mumbled annoyed, as castiel hopped down moving to his phone on the desk. The bright screen lit up the dark room before it was silenced and the light died. Dean rolled over to go back to sleep, but when he felt company slid into the bed with him. He turned seeing the sleepy Hollywood brat, snuggling into him. "Your beds up there."

"I had a nightmare." Castiel breathed half asleep, gaining Dean's worry. 

"Want to talk about it?" Dean asked softly as castiel shook his head no. Softly leaning in he captured Dean's lips in soft lazy kisses, dean returned each one.

 

 

 

 

 

Castiel sighed softly as he looked at his cellphone, only 1568 happy birthday wishes on facebook. Last year he had almost 1690. Living in bumfuck nowhere was ruining his social popularity. He sighed annoyed as he closed his phone, noticing that dean was still talking to him. He had honestly forgotten dean was, but he was positive dean liked to hear himself talk at this point. He blinked trying to hide the obvious disinterest, tuning back to what Dean was saying. 

"-How does that sound?" Dean asked chewing on the school pizza. 

"Y-Yeah...good." Castiel smiled nervously as he tried to drink some milk.

"You know I asked if you wanted to bang, right?" Dean stated emotionless, as castiel spit taked the milk. Blinking at dean blushing, he frozen in embarrassment. "Went into great detail about banging you on the table."

"What?" Castiel choked out dumbly. 

"You went to space, cadet." Dean knocked on his head lightly. "Not hard to realize when you tune me out."

"Sorry, I normally make some effort to care-" castiel stated.

"Geez, thanks." Dean said sarcastically. 

"You know what I mean." Castiel frowned. 

"Continue?"

"I just got a lot on my mind." Castiel huffed. 

"Is it about your birthday?" Dean asked chewing lightly. 

"Well...Wait, how do you know?" Castiel gave him a confused yet annoyed look.

"You sort of find these things out about someone your seeing." Dean stated with a chuckle, but castiel seemed taken back by that. Dean saw them as...seeing each other...? Castiel kind of left his mouth hung open, taken back by what to say. Dean looked down licking his lips, he cleared his throat as the silence continued.

"Well, this is... embarrassing...and crushing... Excuse me." Dean pulled his chair away from the table, though Dean wasn't very fast, castiel made no attempt to stop him. 

 

 

 

 

 

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" The house cheered as castiel stepped through the door, blinking in confusion as Mary and the others stood with streamers and party hats. 

"Fo-For me?" Castiel swallowed, the house was lightly decorated for the occasion. 

"Of course!" Mary put her arm around him, hugging him before kissing his forehead. "Turning fifteen is a big deal sweetie." 

"H-How did..?" Castiel choked out. 

"Dean told us." John chuckled. "Asked us to throw you a Hollywood party, so you wouldn't be so homesick."

"Well. We didn't really know what the initialed. But we made a banner- God Damn it Sam." Mary sighed annoyed. The sign said 'Hollywood! -please take a one way trip! :-\ ' 

Castiel smiled emotionally, he had been with the Winchesters almost three months, but there he was...they went through so much effort. 

"Why... Did you guys...?" Castiel sniffed tears in his eyes. 

"Because Dean is right. You're a god damn winchester. Blood or not." John stated, as tears slid down castiel's face. 

"Awh! Don't cry sweetie!" Mary hugged him affectionately. 

"Where's Dean? I want cake." Sam stated annoyed. 

"Yeah? Where is he anyways?" Mary asked.

"I-I..." Castiel sucked in air, as he turned and ran out the door. 

 

 

 

 

 

Dean's head rested against the window frame, looking out at the empty school. He knew he had to get home soon. Lied to castiel about a stupid project he needed to stay to do. Though obviously a lie, since they shared the same classes, castiel didn't argue...castiel didn't care. He wiped the tears on his face, embarrassed by thinking...he shook his head, popping a pain reliever into his mouth. He slid his tongue over the orange pill, sucking at it. 

The classroom door opened as Dean moved to close and hide the pill bottle in his hand. He wiped his tears, his eyes falling on castiel who stood panting at the doorway. 

"S-Shouldnt you be home?" Dean asked, as castiel moved to him angrily, snatching the pill bottle he was trying to hide.

"Really? Motrin?!" Castiel hissed, throwing the pills so hard they shattered out of the bottle. "Trying to destroy your heart quicker? Or trying to overdose again?!" 

"Its none of your business." Dean mumbled, as castiel slapped him hard. So hard Dean had to take a second, His hand touched his throbbing cheek. 

"Boo hoo! The boy I like rejected me!" Castiel hissed angrily. "Let's just fucking speed up my death!" 

"Stop it." Dean choked out. 

"You used me to give these to you. These are the ones from your medicine cabinet when I first cared for you!" Castiel snapped. "How fucking dare you-"

"How fucking dare I?!" Dean snapped. "Like you fucking care! You care about no one but yourself." Dean tried to leave but castiel forced the chair to stay, getting on his knees he stared into Dean's eyes. 

"If you asked me three months ago, about if the world ended there is not one person I give two shits about!" Castiel snapped grabbing Dean's face. "...But then I met this sweet boy, and he confuses me...and he kisses me...and..." Castiel panted angrily slamming his lips to dean's. The kiss rough and needy, castiel gripped dean tightly. Breaking the kiss to look at him, the conflict in both their eyes before they leaned in softly kissing in their soft normal pace. 

"I'm sorry..." Dean breathed into the kiss. 

"I'm sorry too..." Castiel mumbled into the kiss. "Its okay...We...can work on our weaknesses together." 

"You sound so lame." Dean smiled into the kiss.

"I planned that line the trip here...be glad it wasn't the first one I tried." Castiel chuckled softly breaking the kiss and cupped dean's face. "...no more pill popping okay?" Dean nodded weakly, as castiel kissed him slowly moving to push his chair. "Now let's get you home. You're missing my birthday party." 

"I'm just being fashionably late." Dean hummed. 

"The only one allowed to be fashionably late to my party is me." Castiel teased as they made their way home. 

"Such the Diva." Dean laughed softly earning a slap to the back of his head.


	6. The lies inside him

"Okay? Like that?" Castiel laughed loudly as he tried to do Dean's hair, dean sat in his wheelchair his hair a pathetic flop. Which when it collapsed into itself castiel was on the ground laughing so fucking hard he was crying. Dean softly started laughing too, just watching castiel trying to compose himself but only laughing harder. 

They had started to be a little more...intimate. Little things of course, like when castiel asked if he could do dean's hair today for school, or when Dean found himself peace signing in one of castiel's selfies. When they were alone though it was more obvious, the kissing was amazing. Dean thought so anyways. His favorite was between the lazy home alone kisses, or the kisses in the nook behind the school...which they went to during each break at school. 

Castiel's awkwardness with the idea of saying their relationship was seeing each other made Dean drop the subject. Though he really wished to be more public with this, in the end he was okay with whatever castiel wanted this to be...even if he decided it was nothing. 

"Oh. My. God." Castiel laughed, moving to him. "I got to get a picture of this." Castiel turned the camera around to front face as castiel moved close to dean. Dean looked at castiel, as castiel moved to pose next to Dean's chair. A small affectionate smile on Dean's face as the phone softly counted down. 

5

"Hey Cas?" Dean breathed as castiel turned to look at him. 

4

Dean cupped castiel's chin softly. 

3

"D-Dean?" Castiel breathed out softly searching Dean's eyes as dean leaned in slowly. 

2

Dean's lips softly touched castiel's, the softness sent a shiver up castiel's spine. 

1

Castiel softly returned the kiss, his free hand moved to hold Dean's hand. 

CLICK

The camera flash went off, but castiel just continued the kiss. His phone in his hand fell to his lap as he softly deepened the kiss at the feel of Dean's tongue teasing the base of castiel's lip. The hand now free of the phone, went into Dean's gelled to all hell hair. Castiel didn't open his mouth to accept the tongue, and Dean should have known since Castiel seemed to not want the kissing to progress that far. When they broke the kiss, castiel's eyes moved to Dean's hair causing him to cry in laughter on the ground again. Dean could only smile. 

 

 

 

Castiel sighed washing his face, school went by quickly. Dean made such a big deal about politics in one of their classes that castiel almost strangled him. Other than that, the day between them seemed...good. They didn't really fight, except for their history class, they had a their regular class breaks, where they made out in the nook behind the school. Lunch wasn't too bad either, castiel forgot his lunch on the table, and dean happily handed him over his. Though after heavy insistence they shared the meal inside. 

Castiel wasn't sure HOW he felt about dean. He felt a heaviness on the subject of Dean. Never let the kisses progress, never let them call this anything. He liked the nameless category. Though there are times dean stared at him and he couldn't help the fluttering in his chest...Castiel wasn't homophobic, dean obviously didn't seem to be. That wasn't holding him back, it was the fear of attachment. The fear he was going to dive in too deep. Dean was amazing, the sweetest and kindest man around...he deserved better than Cas it was obvious. What was worse is that everyone agreed but Dean.

Castiel opened the door to the bathroom but stopped seeing Cain and Dean from the crack in the door. Castiel had to use the bathroom, dean respectfully staying outside till he had finished.

"Dean. You know how I feel about you." Cain softly ran the back of his hand against dean's face, as dean recoiled his face from the touch. 

"I got your message." Dean stated angrily. "You hurt my friend."

"Your friend?" Cain scoffed. "He doesn't give a shit about you at all." 

"Yes he does. You know nothing about him." Dean snapped.

"You are just a accident to him. He's only with you because he broke your metal leg." Cain stated as dean flinched. 

"Stop." Dean stated tears forming in his eyes. 

"I've seen the way you look at him dean. You're starting to fall for him." Cain grabbed his chin roughly as Dean winced. "You think he'd really fall for you back? A small town hick with one leg? ...think his Hollywood friends would approve of that? In fact...do they even know about you at all?" Tears slid down Dean's face as Cain softly wiped them away. "The only person who will ever love you is me...once you realize that I'll be here to pick up the pieces." Cain softly leaned in kissing Dean, before dean yanked his chin away wiping his own tears away as Cain smirked walking down the hall. 

Castiel stood at the bathroom door unsure how to take what he just heard before anger set in. Before he pushed the door all the way open, dean quickly trying to compose himself, faking a happy smile. 

"H-hey. Ready to-" dean wasn't expecting castiel's lips to slam into his own. Dean taken back that blush formed on his face, Cain paused hearing gasps in the hall turned to see castiel kissing dean The whole hall went quiet, as castiel pulled back turning to smirk at Cain. 

"Hey Cain?" Castiel smirked harder as he flipped Cain off. Dean never seen Cain so pissed. 

 

 

 

 

 

"Did you SEE his face?!" Castiel laughed as he pushed Dean home. "Priceless! He was so pissed I thought his face would melt off." 

"Why did you do that? Now the whole school thinks we are dating." Dean mumbled face full of blush. 

"Because Cains a ass, I wasn't going to let him talk to you like that." Castiel stated obviously. 

"..." Dean didn't say anything as he looked down. "How much of that conversation did you hear?" 

"All of it I think." Castiel thumbed on his phone. "Cain isn't your only option out there. There is plenty of people who will love to be with you." 

"...what about you...?" Dean asked so softly castiel almost didn't hear it. Castiel tensed as he panicked, he didn't have an answer for that. He had no idea how he felt about dean. Being put on the spot wasn't helping him figure that out either.

"D-did you say something?" Castiel lied, as dean didn't respond. 

"...No." Dean stated, the walk home was awkwardly quiet. 

 

 

 

 

 

"We can't kiss in front of the baby." Castiel objected slightly as Adam sat in front of him, the toddler playing with his toys. 

"He's three. Who is he going to tell?" Dean asked as the TV blasted a tattoo show. 

"I-I don't know." Castiel stated cuddled into dean, they hadn't talked about the incident at the school with Cain. It was their weekend and all the drama of school was meant for Monday.  
"Sh." Dean cupped his face, as he pulled castiel Into a soft kiss. The kiss was soft and quickly pulled castiel from reality, deans hands held castiel's face as castiel clung to the fabric of his shirt. Adam blinked at them, before focusing on the TV show playing. Moving to stand Adam curiously touched the tv, as the door unlocked and castiel and dean yanked away. 

"Hello boys." Mary smiled coming in, some groceries in her hand. "Hello baby Adam!" Adam giggled running towards his mother wanting up. She placed the bags on the table, before picking him up. "He wasn't a handful was he?"

"No." Dean smiled like he got away with murder. 

"A angel!" Castiel embarrassed to all hell. "In fact. We have homework. Let's go dean." Castiel picked dean off the couch placing him in his chair blushing to all hell as they moved towards the room. 

"Kiss!" Adam stated pointing to dean and castiel causing them both to tense. 

"You are so cute Adam." Mary laughed kissing Adam and went to make dinner. The boys went into the bedroom, unmoving for a bit as Dean busted into laughs.

"I guess I was wrong." Dean laughed loudly as castiel lightly slapped him.

 

 

 

 

Castiel woke with a light start, his face buried into Dean's chest. It took a minute to realize where he was. He must have crawled into Dean's bed again last night. He sucked in air, softly nuzzling into his warmth. He would be lying to say he wasnt hoping this movement woke up dean. 

Dean stirred lightly, his hands tightened around castiel pulling him closer. His eyes slowly blinked open in the dark, as he nuzzled castiel's sweaty body. 

"Hey...what's wrong?" Dean asked half groggy, as castiel just busted into tears, burying his face into Dean's chest he sobbed loudly as Dean softly held him. 

 

 

 

 

 

The whole school officially spread the rumor that Dean winchester had a boyfriend....and it was castiel. Though it took them both off the market, castiel had to admit there was no downside to this. Castiel started at the lowest piece of shit and was now actually...popular. It must have came with Dean because people actually started to talk to him. Wanting his number, wanting his Facebook. Wow. He missed this. The lunch table became overly populated, since now everyone was okay with castiel, dean wasn't too overly thrilled, use to the solitude that came with castiel's low status.

"So? When is it going to be fb official?" A girl castiel forgot the name of asked. 

"I-i.." Castiel cut off by dean.

"When I remember my Facebook password." Dean lied, castiels took his hand squeezing it. Dean didn't mind the lying so much, but it was obvious dean was upset that this wasn't true. Though this meant they could be more public with their kissing, which honestly was pecks during lunch. Harder to sneak away to make out since everyone wanted to know more of their relationship and Hollywood. 

"Just change your single to in a relationship, so I can like it." The girl smiled at castiel as castiel nervously laughed. Castiel pulling out his phone, he looked at his profile, there was mostly pictures of him and Dean on there lately which he hasn't made a status since he learned Dean was....pushing that thought away he went to his relationship status that marked he liked women and he was single. He knew dean was watching, because dean was curious about his answer to if he would do it as well. 

He hasn't even added dean's Facebook as a friend yet, which he probably should have by now in between their make out sessions. He sent dean a friend request, to which dean scoffed lightly. Before moving back to the relationship status, he blushed as he looked at the options before clicking in a relationship. He knew his friends would see, they would ask him questions, he bit his lip before clicking save. 

"Awh! Facebook official!" The girl squealed as three girls pulled out their phones to like it. Dean softly leaned his head onto castiel's shoulder who himself leaned into the touch. 

"Price of popularity, huh?" Dean mumbled. 

"You make it sound like its a bad thing." Castiel softly, as dean looked up at him. 

"You don't even like me that way." Dean breathed quietly as castiel sighed softly. 

"..." Castiel turned, leaning in he softly kissed him softly. The girl's squealed taking pictures, as dean stared at him star struck. Castiel pulled back breathing against his lips. "I don't know how I feel about you, winchester." Dean blushed.

 

 

 

 

 

Dean stayed home from school the next week. He wasn't feeling good, castiel offering to stay behind brought dean comfort. Dean didn't exactly clarify what was wrong but castiel could guess. Dean and castiel were official facebook. It was the day before dean got sick that he actually added castiel in his relationship status. Everyone blew up castiel's phone trying to get more information, but castiel for the first time turned off his phone. Just laid next to dean rubbing his back. 

"One of the bad days." Dean breathed into castiel's neck. Castiel nodded, rubbing his back leaving soft kisses at the base of his neck. Dean's parents noticed. Noticed the affection between them and didn't comment. Leaving the teens alone as Dean shook and whimpered in pain. Castiel only found relief when it was over.


	7. I am so much more

To quote Sigmund Freud.

Illusions commend themselves to us because they save us pain and allow us to enjoy pleasure instead. We must therefore accept it without complaint when they sometimes collide with a bit of reality against which they are dashed to pieces.

Dean refused to talk about his...episode. Castiel wasn't sure if it was grateful or worried. Dean acted like his normal self, hogging all the covers, stealing castiel's French fries...it was like it never happened. Castiel almost could believe it didn't.

 

 

 

 

"So?! Spill! You have been ignoring my texts!" Amber stated as castiel leaned against the wall behind the school. First day back to school since dean's accident, and castiel ditched homeroom to make up on calls and texts. Amber being one of the first on his list, she has been texting him all week trying to find out the scoop on his relationship status. 

"Well...his name is dean." Castiel chuckled, blush on his face. He wasn't sure how to start, explain the fact that He was trying to help out his friend dean by pretending to be his boyfriend to piss off cain, a total major douche. Which sounded so bad. But he was doing this to help dean, To get Cain off of him, and hopefully...figure out his own feelings about dean. 

"So you guys dating?" Amber stated.

"Its complicated." Castiel bit his lip. 

"Well do you like him or not?" Amber asked.

"I have no idea." Castiel chuckled.

"God! Castiel you made thing Facebook official! You can't just take that back!" Amber stated.

"That's the thing...I don't know if I want to." Castiel smiled into the phone. 

"Oh! Boy! You got yourself a crush!" Amber squealed.

"Okay...a little crush." Castiel chuckled leaning back against the wall. 

"You should bring him to Hollywood! We could hike up to the Hollywood sign! Oh! We could take my dad's private jet out and go surfing! Or rock climbing! Or just stroll around the old neighborhood." Amber went on as castiel's face fell, she had no idea dean was in a wheelchair...or even that was his heart...dean wouldn't be able to do most of that stuff. "He's the cutie in the picture with you?" Amber must be referring to facebook, all the photos he's posted lately were Dean and him just selfies. 

"Yeah." Castiel stated as amber squealed on the phone. 

"He's so hot. Punk is definitely something I thought was your type. Does he have tattoos?!" Amber asked.

"No, he doesn't." Castiel chuckled.

"Does he want any?" Amber asked.

"I-i don't know. Never asked." Castiel confessed, there was a lot he didn't know about dean. 

"Ask and tell me! He may be your cutie but he's my eye candy!" Amber squealed, castiel just rolled his eyes. 

 

 

 

 

"Hey, can I ask you some questions?" Castiel sat on the toilet as Dean soaked into the bath, waiting to help him out of it. Bubble bath of course, which was Dean's favorite and only reason to get in one. Which he loved the bubble gum smell. 

"Interrogation?" Dean chuckled. 

"More like I want to know more about you." Castiel smiled. 

"Shoot." Dean smiled. 

"Do you want tattoos?" Castiel asked as dean nodded.

"Totally." Dean laid back into the bath. "I always wanted a tramp stamp-"

"I'm serious." Castiel frowned. 

"What's the sudden interest?" Dean chuckled.

"I just...its weird the only thing I know about you is you like moomoo cereal and storage wars." Castiel looked at his hands softly blushing. 

"You know more than most. Plus you know my dick size." Dean teased with a wink, castiel splashed him. 

 

 

 

 

"Hey Cas! Hi dean!" Yara called to him as he pushed Dean through the school. 

"Hey!" Castiel smiled as he continued to talk to dean. "I was thinking that maybe we should go to that party everyone has been talking about."

"Translation: dean your parents won't just let me go somewhere late at night but they trust you so if I went with you..!" Dean smirked knowing. 

"Of course, but you are the cutest guy I know, and if I go to this party I need a cute date." Castiel smiled. 

"I don't know, I think my boyfriends taking me." Dean chuckled at that. 

"Really?" Castiel playfully pretended to be curious. 

"I don't know, let me ask him." Dean stated before turning to look back at castiel. "Are you taking me to this party tonight?"

"Yes." Castiel stated as Dean nodded as though accepting the answer turning away before turning back.

"Sorry. I can't. My boyfriend's taking me." Dean turned to say to castiel, causing castiel to break into laughter, leaning down he kissed Dean's cheek. 

 

 

 

 

"So...?" Mary glanced at them. "Its a group study?"

"Yeah, we got a test coming up." Castiel stated as dean just smiled. Dean told to just be quiet since Dean seriously sucks at lying. 

"Dean?" Mary turned to dean raising an eyebrow as Dean nodded.

"Studying." Dean said through a hard smile, straining to get the words out. Mary sighed as she turned to john. 

"What do you think, john?" Mary gave him a look.

"Let them go." John stated flipping the page of the newspaper. 

"...fine. I want you home before midnight." Mary sighed. 

"Thanks, ma'am." Castiel saluted as he pushed dean out the front door. 

"USE PROTECTION!" Mary yelled out the door. "...F-FOR YOUR...PENCILS!" Mary closed the front door. "You do know they are going to a party, correct?" 

"Would be stupid not to." John took a sip of coffee. 

"Yet you let them go?" Mary raised an eyebrow. "Our son being an ex pill popper and his maybe out of control boyfriend?" 

"Look, I just...Dean's a good kid...and...its not exactly like he's got his whole life you know-" john sighed.

"Don't say that." Mary shook her head, storming away. "Don't ever say that again." John sighed sadly, rubbing his face.

 

 

 

 

"Okay. There. You look great for a rush job." Castiel patted his shoulder and Dean blushed softly. His hair slicked back instead of his Mohawk made him feel sort of naked but castiel took time to making dean look good for the party. "Don't be nervous you look great." Castiel looked himself over in the window before knocking. The girl castiel recognized as Gabriel answered raising an eyebrow. 

"Cassie! Dean! My man you look great!" Gabriel chuckled as dean looked down and blushed a thanks. "Got tons of drinks, if you don't want liquor avoid the punch. I spiked it." Castiel pushed dean into the house, music blaring and kids dancing. Castiel missed parties like this in Hollywood, though part of him felt like a twinge of pain. Like he was walking on eggshells, but moving dean to the punch he poured himself a shot of it downing it quickly. 

"Damn, Cas." Dean was taken back by the sudden tenseness that engulfed castiel upon entering. He knew castiel must have been tense because of his mother's death, the party castiel felt was the reason his mother died. 

"Thirsty?" Castiel groaned at the taste of the drink.

"Soda is fine." Dean tried not to look taken back castiel's urgency. 

"Come on. Its a party." Castiel poured dean and himself punch, putting the cup in dean's hand. "Mingle! Have fun!" 

"Cas-" dean stated as castiel moved to dance trying to suck down his drink. 

 

 

 

 

After three drinks, Castiel was more than tippy though he wouldn't admit it. He laughed as he danced grinding on anyone that moved, but when he had notices he hasn't seen dean in a while. He pulled away from the dance floor, his head spinning with panic as he searched the house. He started to call Dean's name but the music was deafening, moving from room to room. When he ran into the kitchen spotting Dean at the kitchen table, softly petting a small child's head as he helped him with what looked like homework. Castiel slowly moved towards him his heart racing a hundred times a minute.

"Alright. I think you got it." Dean stated rubbing his hair. "Head to bed okay?"

"Thanks, mister." Castiel assumed was Gabriel's younger brother went up the back stairs towards the bedrooms. 

"D-Dean?" Castiel called to him as Dean turned. Tears in castiel's eyes as he moved to him instantly kissing him. Dean was taken back but softly kissed back, tasting the unknown liquor as castiel pulled back. "Don't ever leave my side again." Castiel cried touching Dean's face, as Dean nodded softly, staring into each others eyes softly. Castiel's lips roughly slammed into Dean's, as dean softly moaned into the kiss kissing back just as hard. 

Castiel's tongue licked at his lips, which dean moaned softly opening his mouth. When their tongues slid together, castiel moved onto dean's lap, hungrily kissing him harder. Castiel's hand moved to touch Dean's body, the chair squeaked at the touch. Dean broke the kiss to kiss castiel's neck, castiel shivered as he breathed shakily. 

"D-Dean." Castiel shivered a moan. 

"We need to stop." Dean mouthed castiel's skin. 

"W-Why?" Castiel swallowed air. 

"You're drunk, and I don't want our first time to be in Gabriel's kitchen...in my chair." Dean breathed out, castiel pulled back looking into Dean's eyes. 

"You...imagine your first time with me?" Castiel blushed as dean nodded looking into his eyes. 

"Of course...Castiel...don't you get it, yet? I love you." dean started but Castiel looked pale, like he was going to be sick. "And you're going to throw up aren't you?" Castiel nodded weakly as Dean grabbed the fruit bowl on top of the table, tossing the fruit before castiel hurled into it. Dean rubbed his back as castiel whimpered into the bowl. 

 

 

 

 

Dean wheeled them through the park weakly, as castiel held the fruit bowl, buried his face into Dean's neck laying on his lap. Dean's chest was killing him, if castiel wasn't drunk. He would have noticed the poor wheeling, staggering and going in the wrong direction. He was so thankful when he hit the stairs of their apartment with his wheelchair. Castiel weakly stirred awake, looking at the stairs happily he petted them. 

"Good stairs." Castiel mumbled stumbling he stood dropping the fruit bowl. 

"Castiel. I need... you t...o go upstairs... and..get the car keys." Dean panted holding his chest. Castiel started to whine.

"I-i don't wanna go without yooou!" Castiel whined. 

"You...can't car...carry me. You a..are too drunk. Get t..they keys...so...I can sleep in the car." Dean's head was spinning as he laid back into his chair. 

"Can I sleep there too?!" Castiel said happily.

"JUST GET THE...DAMN KEYS..." Dean snapped as castiel started to cry. "Cas...pleas....e..." Castiel nodded as he stumbled up the stairs. 

 

 

 

 

It was about ten minutes before castiel came down, holding a pair of car keys and blankets to 'make a fort'. Dean was grateful for them as he made castiel open the back of the truck bed. Having to hoist himself into the truck bed made Dean's ears ring as he felt his eyes roll into the back of his head as he hit the truck bed hard. 

 

 

 

 

"Dean?! Dean?!" Dean felt Castiel shake him, he was covered in blankets. Castiel must have had enough common sense to cover them with blankets. His head hurt, and shaking obviously made it worse. His chest at least stopped hurting during the night, but castiel's hung over panic was really irritating. Dean let castiel lift up his head in a obvious panic. "Shit! Shit!" 

"Stop yelling. Please." Dean mumbled as castiel touched a spot on Dean's head, and he yelped.

"Dean, you have a serious gash in your head! You bled all over the back of the truck! Fuck! Dean how drunk were you last night?" Castiel panicked.

"Do...you...not remember anything...from last night?" Dean asked, trying to hide the hurt on his face. 

"Does that matter?! Dean, I think you need stitches!" Castiel was cut off with a hard kiss, castiel gasped as Dean's tongue slid into castiel's mouth. Castiel mewed into the kiss, their touching felt like pop rocks on his tongue. Familiar and new all at the same time, castiel deepened the kiss only to feel Dean recoil. Castiel remember the wound and smacked dean. "Stop! Trying! To! Kiss! Me! When! Hurt!" 

"Ouch!" Dean groaned. 

"Dean...? Castiel...?" Mary blinked as she stared at the two boys fighting in the back of John's pick up. 

"Uh oh." Castiel spoke. 

 

 

 

 

"Out of all the STUPID things-!" Mary hissed stitching his head. 

"Ouch." Dean mumbled. 

"Shush. I numbed you." Mary stated as she finished up. "You're lucky I'm a nurse and always prepared."

"Thank you mom." Dean stated hissing as castiel touched it with ice. 

"Now I'll leave you to figure out the story of that injury you'll tell me later, I have work." Mary waved them off walking out the door. They sat quietly next to each other, as the door closed.

"...what DID happen last night?" Castiel asked as Dean opened his mouth to speak when castiel's phone went off. "Hey Jody! Yeah, I can talk." Castiel stood walking away. 

"I just...I just admitted I loved you....no big deal..." Dean stated but castiel just put his finger up signaling of 'give me a minute' before walking towards the bedroom closing the door. "O-okay! I'll...just..wait here...its...not like I'm dying...or anything...we have lifetimes..." Dean choked out as he buried his face into his hands, wishing for that moment he did.


	8. As he was

Dean's school days had started to go from the five days to three then two then eventually became one. Though dean insisted he was fine, he was obviously a lot paler. Castiel took time to do Dean's hair every morning that cheered dean up. Then when Dean's family left for the day, the two would softly make out in dean's bed or on the couch. Dean was always so tired, slept a lot in castiel's arms, which seemed to be the only time dean could sleep peacefully. 

Dean didn't have a...bad day, he was always smiling and seemed almost normal except for the drowsiness and weakness dean slowly started showing signs of. The most obvious sign, being the fact dean could no longer squeeze the gel bottle. Which castiel tried not to make a big deal, slightly joke the bottle was hard because he was hot. Dean laughed, and so did castiel. 

 

 

 

 

"Hey...buddy." Chuck stated his hands in his pocket as he stood outside the Winchester's door. He laughed out of nerves as castiel stood at the doorway. Castiel's face cold and angry as he tried to slam the door, but chuck put his foot in the door. 

"What are you doing here?!" Castiel snapped when he reopened the door. 

"Why do you think?" Chuck questioned as castiel sighed walking into the house, and pouring himself some water. "Castiel-?"

"Keep it down, Dean's a sleep." Castiel stated as he gulped the water. "The Winchesters are out right now and Dean's sleeping off what he claims is a headache."

"You have changed since I last saw you." Chuck stated noticing just a little bit how mature castiel had gotten. Watching how castiel went back to making dinner, obvious for who with the two plates there. Castiel cutting some vegetables, which chuck was surprised he even knew how to do, Didn't think castiel knew what cooking was. "Didn't know you knew how to cook."

"John taught me." Castiel sighed. "Look, why are you here?" 

"Why am I...?" Chuck was taken back. "I'm here to take you home." Castiel tensed, turning to look at his father as he flipped the burgers. 

"H-Home?" Castiel sucked in air. "Y-You were able to afford the prosthetic?" 

"Nah, I work at a IT department at bestbuy. I couldn't afford a fifty thousand dollar leg." Chuck stated moving closer but castiel backed away. "Dean's mother, Mary. She...she told me you're off the hook for the leg. I assumed it meant I can take you home." 

"D-Dean needs that leg. S-she wouldn't-" castiel was taken back as he started to cry. He didn't...he didn't want to go.

"Castiel-?" Chuck moved to him. 

"Stay AWAY from me." Castiel backed up screaming at him. 

"...Why do you hate me so much?" Chuck asked getting angry. "What did I ever do to cause you to hate me so much?" 

"Because I SAW you!" Castiel yelled. "AT MOM'S FUNERAL!" Castiel moved to him shoving him back. "BANGING MOM'S LAWYER!" Castiel screamed. "BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO MAKE SURE THERE WAS A LOOPHOLE WHERE YOU GOT SOMETHING FROM HER WILL!" 

"Ca-Castiel!" Chuck grabbed his wrist. "Listen to me. Yes. I did sleep with your mother's attorney Susan. Yes, I did do it to ensure I got money in her will. B-But Castiel what you don't understand is that I have been a stay at home dad for fourteen years. I was just graduating high school when I met your mother working in a Starbucks. She was twenty seven, already a successful fashion designer, and already becoming famous all over the world. I fell head over heels for her." Castiel started crying harder, as chuck cupped his face. 

"When she got pregnant, I was so happy. I would beg her to stay home, to get off her feet. She wouldn't have it. When you were born, I quit my coffee shop job and became a full time dad. I couldn't let your mom quit her dreams... There was no stopping her, she wouldn't have let me try. So I raised you, made sure you were raised right the best I could you know?" Chuck put his forehead on castiel's.

"But...your mother was always gone and at parties, she was never home. I raised you all alone. She was in love with fame. In love with the spotlight. We were like her dirty little secret. Never talked about us to the media. Saying it was to protect us. But She hated to come home to me, hated to hear me beg her to be home, or just tell me she loved me. I was tired of her making excuses of why she never went to your birthday parties or why she never went to your school plays or parent teacher conferences." Chuck pulled back and Castiel could see his tears. 

"The night your mother died. She had come home and told me she never loved me. Told me she regretted ever second of her life she wasted on me. She told me to take you and leave." Chuck bit his lip. 

"N-No." Castiel sniffed.

"She went to get you that night to tell you, because she wanted you to know she loved you no matter what happens." Chuck wiped castiel's eyes. "I slept with Susan because I knew she always had a soft spot for me. She would give me any loophole she could so I could take care of you till you turned eighteen. I had no work experience that wasn't fourteen years old, no home, no money to my name and I had nothing...I panicked. I just...I just needed enough money to make sure you'd be okay..." Chuck sobbed, as castiel looked at his father, his father looked so weak. Castiel softly moved to hug his father, as chuck squeezed him tightly just crying it out. 

 

 

 

 

"Are...you sure you want to stay?" Chuck asked as Castiel nodded holding his dad's hand. "I got your room up...your favorite cereal..."

"Dean needs me." Castiel smiled softly. "Maybe just as much as I need him." 

"You...you're growing up." Chuck softly caressed castiel's cheek. 

"Slowly...I'm still an ass." Castiel leaned against the door frame. 

"You get that from me." Chuck ruffled his hair.

"Sounds like I get that from mom." Castiel chuckled weakly. "...I get my heart from you and I'm proud of that..."

"...I will always love your mother..." Chuck breathed out as they hugged. 

"So do i....I love you dad." Castiel pulled back slowly as he said goodbye to his father. Watching chuck leave he softly closed the door. 

"So do you believe him?" Dean asked at the door frame, Castiel softly turned looking at him.

"Its a lot to take in...but there is many things my father is but a liar is not one of them." Castiel turned with a soft smile. "Come on, Let's eat."

 

 

 

 

 

Mary softly carried Adam in him fast asleep as john helped lead a sleepy Sam towards their bedrooms. Gone for the day for a family beach trip had worn everyone out. Dean had asked not to go and castiel stayed with him, once they closed the door to their kids room, they heard Dean's bedroom open they turned. 

"Castiel?" Mary asked concerned. "Its three am, what are you still doing up?"

"Did you tell my dad...not to worry about Dean's prosthetic?" Castiel asked as john and Mary turned to each other. 

 

 

 

 

"Castiel...we didn't think he'd... Try to collect you...I just wanted him to know...he shouldn't...stress about obtaining the money." Mary said holding johns hand, and one hand on castiel's knee reassuringly. 

"W-Why? Dean n-needs that leg." Castiel asked confused. 

"...castiel...dean... Wouldn't be able to use it anymore." Mary breathed, her breathe shaky. 

"Wha-What do you mean?" Castiel swallowed looking down.

"...Dean...is getting sicker castiel...he is starting to sleep more...he's weak...if we got him the leg...he wouldn't be able to stand on his own..." Mary confessed. 

"N-No...but he...he's fine. He-he's fine!" Castiel sobbed softly as Mary softly moved to hug him, letting the air fill with unsaid words. 

 

 

 

 

 

"So...did you...want to go on a date with me?" Dean asked as castiel had stuffed his mouth full of moomoo cereal. It had been a week since Mary had confessed about dean's prosthetic, he felt bad about keeping that information from dean but...he knew the moment dean thought they thought his leg was a lost cause was the moment dean would just...give up.

"Mmhaft?" Castiel asked through a full mouth. 

"A date...with me..." Dean repeated as castiel slowly chewed and swallowed.

"For like...school?" Castiel asked confused. 

"No...I want to go on a real date with you, Hollywood." Dean stated taking his hand, as castiel blushed. 

"A r-real date?" Castiel choked out as Dean smiled and leaned in softly kissing his lips, castiel was taken back by the soft kiss. 

"What do you say, Hollywood?" Dean smiled as he watched castiel blush. 

"...okay." Castiel blushed as he softly leaned in kissing dean as they slowly made out at the breakfast table. 

 

 

 

 

"I didn't realize you were a three am burrito guy." Castiel chuckled as he payed the guy in the truck, handing two burritos to dean who took them. Castiel pushed the wheelchair towards one of the tables, castiel took a seat. The air was slightly cold, but the stars and the string lights that surrounded the place looked so beautiful, castiel couldn't take the smile off his face.

"Everyone is a three am burrito guy." Dean smiled as he started to eat. "Only if you're brave enough." Castiel smiled laughing, blush on his face and obviously nervous. 

"So why did you pick here for our first date." Castiel asked. 

"Because the burritos are amazing and I wanted to see how bright your eyes would look in the lights." Dean stated as he leaned forward examining castiel's eyes, castiel blinked as Dean smiled. "Yep. Just as I thought. Look like a sky full of stars." 

Castiel didn't realize he was holding his breath but when he did he released it slowly. Blushing deep red, He stared at dean who was now eating his burrito. He took a moment to compose himself in the silence before breathing out. 

"You smooth, motherfucker." Castiel chuckled softly watching the big smile form on Dean's face. "You're trying to woo me."

"I'm not trying to woo you, Hollywood." Dean stated resting his chin on your hands. "I'm trying to make you fall for me." Castiel was so taken back he opened and closed his mouth for a few minutes, then he gave dean a cocky smirk. 

"...And You think three am burritos and smooth talk would work?" Castiel raised an eyebrow as if unimpressed as Dean's confidence fell for the first time that night he was stunned. As castiel grabbed his face softly and gave him a pec. "...Because it is." Castiel blushed as dean smiled leaning in to kiss him when a voice made them stop off.

"Well if it isn't Destiel...or is it Casen?" Cain hopped over the fence, he was wobbly and obviously drunk. 

"Cain. What are you doing here?" Dean asked, as Cain wobbled over taking the free seat he stole castiel's burrito. Taking a huge bite, castiel crossed his arms annoyed. 

"I missed you." Cain mumbled his mouth full of food. 

"You're drunk." Dean sighed.

"Love drunk...and beer drunk!" Cain slugged a arm around dean's shoulders, moving to bury his face in dean's neck. Taking in Dean's scent of some cheap body spray and gel, he didn't expect the rough hands that shoved him off of dean.  
"Get the fuck off him!" Castiel snapped throwing Cain to the ground. 

"Castiel stop!" Dean yelped as Cain stood throwing a wobbly punch at castiel who dodged it quite easily. "Castiel! Cain!"

"You think you can just take dean from me, Hollywood?!" Cain tried punching him again but castiel dodged. 

"It wasn't that hard considering the obvious!" Castiel smirked at him. "Why would he want low class when he can have Hollywood?" Castiel yelped suddenly when he was tackled to the ground. They rolled roughly trying to pin each other, Castiel bit Cain roughly, as Cain punched him off when a burrito smack into them causing them both to stop. Covered in burrito, they turned to look at dean who raised an eyebrow at them both, when they realized it wasn't dean who threw the burrito but another man that Cain recognized.

"Abel!" Cain laughed drunkenly as Abel frowned noticeably his arms crossed. Cain stood trying to hug him but Abel sighed grabbing his ear lobe he pulled it like a scolding mother. 

"I apologize for him." Abel stated to dean. "Thanks for calling me."

"No problem...thanks for living down the street." Dean sighed as castiel helped himself up, castiel recognized the guy from the meetings dean ran, Cain came with him sometimes. Abel must be the brother, dean helped through his depression .

"You're from the meetings. Caddie right?" Abel stated moving to shake castiel's hand. 

"Castiel, Actually." Castiel corrected. 

"Right. You're Dean's caregiver?" Abel asked. 

"No, I'm actually Dean's boyfriend." Castiel corrected again, Dean turned to blink at Castiel but the words were unshaken like stating an obvious fact.

"Wow, I guess I'm behind on the times!" Abel laughed sheepishly. 

"Yeah, if you don't mind we were on a date." Castiel stated rather impatiently, as able looked taken back roughly yanking on his brothers ear. 

"Ouch!" Cain yelled. 

"I'm sorry, he won't be bothering you again tonight. Come you." Abel yanked his brother along as Cain drunkenly whined. As the teens watched them go, dean slid his hand into castiel's. 

"Boyfriend huh?" Dean asked teasingly. 

"What can I say? Impressive first date." Castiel stated seriously as dean broke into laughter a few seconds later castiel laughed too.

 

 

 

 

 

"Well..." The doctor sighed as he finished his check up with dean. It was like he didn't know what to say. 

"Nothing new?" Dean stated as castiel squeezed his hand. 

"Nothing we don't already know. " Michael sighed with the clipboard. 

"I told my mom that. She still thinks check ups are important." Dean sighed. 

"They are dean. Even if you think it's pointless." The doctor sighed. 

"Aren't doctors here to prevent death?" Dean asked sarcastically. "I'm headed there either way."

"My job isn't to prevent death, its to slow it down." The doctor took off his glasses. "One day I will die, but that doesn't stop me from trying to live as many days as I can..."

"..." Dean looked down.

"How are you feeling?" Michael asked, as he checked dean over. 

"I've been extremely sleepy lately..." Dean stated as Michael nodded. 

"As to be expected." Michael nodded. 

"Does...that mean...I'm getting close to..." Dean started but Michael cut him off.

"No." Michael stated softly, writing things down."peoples bodies react differently to different situations. Your body is stronger than you think." 

"Thanks, doctor." Dean stated as he turned away in his chair."am I good to go?"

"Of course." Michael smiled as castiel stood behind dean ready to push him. 

"Let's go see my mom." Dean smiled as Castiel paused. 

"Hey, go on without me for a second." Castiel smiled softly. 

"You sure?" Dean looked confused.

"I'll caught up with you in a second." Castiel reassured as Dean left to find his mother as Castiel paused looking at Michael writing on a clip board. 

"Doctor Michael?" Castiel asked.

"Yes?" Michael looked up.

"I-i have a question about the transplant list-" castiel started pulling out his research, a handful of crumpled up paper.obviously used to all hell, Michael wondered how many times Castiel studied those. 

"Castiel. Dean can't be put back on the list." Michael took off his glasses. 

"Why not?" Castiel asked in disbelief. 

"...because they believe dean is a lost cause because if his suicide attempt. They don't want to risk giving away a good heart to someone who wants to die anyways." Michael stated sadly. "Even if he has changed." 

"C-Can't I talk to the board?!" Castiel asked as Michael shook his head slowly. 

"No point. Bunch of entitled assholes who think because they got money they can vote on who lives and who dies." Michael confessed. "Just go home castiel. Enjoy the time you have with dean. That's more than most are blessed with" Castiel looked down sadly, softly clinging the papers he left.


	9. Remember When

To quote Ingrid Bergman,

"A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous."

That's what had become of Dean and castiel's private time, long slow kisses and touches. Castiel spent every second of every day by deans side. Mostly curled spooned on the couch with dean watching movies till his family left, then Dean's hands wrapped around castiel's face, castiel would turn to face him. Dean's thumb would caress his lips as they stared into each others eyes. Movement between them soft, as lips met in breathless moans.

Castiel didn't much mind having a boyfriend. A real one anyways. He had, had girlfriends before. None he liked enough to keep around longer than a month, barely could remember their names if asked. Dean however, was more to that. Castiel felt so close to him, he felt as though he could reach out and touch his soul. 

Castiel found himself pinned under dean, as the kissing continued. Castiel moaned under the kiss, as castiel moved to slid his hands under Dean's shirt. Taking in the feel of his boyfriend's chest, it was much different then he felt when kissing a girl, and he was adjusting very quickly to having another man on top of him. 

"S-stop." Dean broke the kiss instantly, pulling castiel's hands from his shirt. 

"What's wrong?" Castiel panted. "I've seen you shirtless before..."

"I-i just..." He looked conflicted, as castiel cupped his face.

"Hey...what's wrong?" Castiel looked at him concerned. 

"I'm...not ready." Dean held himself. 

"For what?" Castiel asked confused, but the silence answered it.

"That's okay..." Castiel laughed nervously blushing at him. "I-im not ready for...THAT either...I just...wanted to feel you..."

"There's nothing good under there." Dean stated quietly, as castiel said nothing, taking off his own shirt as dean blushed red."W-What are you doing?"

"I got this scar in third grade." Castiel stated pointing to a scar on his chest. "I fell while riding a bike. Landed straight on my chest. This scar on my stomach right here is when I once ran into my friends oven door in middle school-" 

"What is all this?" Dean asked as castiel looked at him. 

"We all have scars dean..." Castiel cupped his face. "I happen to love yours. Without your scars...there would be no you..." Dean stayed quiet as castiel smiled softly at him. 

"...Are you trying to woo me, Mr. Hollywood?" Dean mumbled as castiel smiled. 

"Is it working?" Castiel moved to kiss him. 

"Enough to woo my shirt off." Dean chuckled as dean pulled off his own shirt. Castiel capturing his lips as they fell back onto the couch. 

 

 

 

 

Castiel pushed Dean towards the community center, dean was trying to put on a good face laughing about the sandwiches they had made for after the meeting. Castiel could tell dean wasn't feeling very well, but he never missed a meeting. 

"Dean are you sure you want to go today?" Castiel asked as Dean looked up at him.

"Of course, why wouldn't I?" Dean asked as castiel paused at the door.

"You are allowed to take a sick day." Castiel stated. 

"I'm fine, mom." Dean teased as castiel rolled his eyes.

"You are so stubborn." Castiel pushed him inside as Dean chuckled, he pushed them into the meeting room, where a couple people had started to show up. Castiel noticed three regulars instantly, Bela, Adam and Abel, who were setting up the chairs. 

"Hey Dean!" Bela smiled as castiel put on Dean's brakes. "Hey Cas." 

"Hey Bela!" Dean smiled as Bela pulled her hair into a ponytail. 

"Hey." Castiel smiled, as he looked towards the doors. "Hey dean, I'm going to use the restroom. Do you need to go?" 

"No, I'm good." Dean stated as castiel leaned down softly kissing him. 

"Then I'll be right back." Castiel stated as he moved towards the bathroom. He did his business before moving to the sink to wash his hands. When the sound of a door opened, causing him to look up, when his face was roughly slammed into the mirror. He groaned holding his bleeding nose as someone grabbed him dragging him towards the toilets, castiel didn't have time to react as his face was shoved into the water. 

Castiel struggled choking on the toilet water before it flushed and he gasped for breath. Coughing roughly as he was tossed away from the toilet, castiel panting and coughing roughly. He opened his eyes to see Cain glaring down at him.

"You know, we gotta stop meeting like this." Castiel coughed.

"That was for involving my brother." Cain hissed. 

"What? Don't want him to know your a jackass?" Castiel groaned as he was forced up slamming back against the stall doors. 

"I swear to god, Hollywood." Cain growled as castiel chuckled wiping his bleeding nose. 

"I see. Your brothers your weakness." Castiel chuckled. "Don't try to hide it. Its all over your face." Cain swallowed in response as castiel smirked to himself. "You see there is a difference between you and i. I don't have a weakness and you do. You love your brother. Of course you don't want him to know the horrible things you've done. What kind of monster you are?"

"...are you blackmailing me?" Cain growled. 

"I'd love not to have my nose bleed everytime I see you." Castiel stated. "Or I'll start squealing to your mess of a brother."

"You have nothing on me." Cain snapped. 

"Bullying me, beating up cripples-" castiel started lying. 

"Most of that is shit you did." Cain snapped.

"Im a great liar." Castiel smirked, Cain squeezed his fists as he started storming out. "Nice talk!" Castiel yelled as the bathroom door slammed shut. 

 

 

 

 

Dean blinked staring at the poster for the Halloween ball, the school has been at uproar about it for weeks. Dean returning to school in the first time in a while found himself staring at it. Castiel too busy talking ears off someone to notice Dean's stares, taking one of the pass out flyers from the counter as castiel talked he read the information.

"I'll see you later." Castiel smiled to some girl, moving to push Dean's chair but dean held up his hand with the flyer. 

"Did you see this?" Dean asked, as castiel snatched the paper to read it. 

"The dance?" Castiel scoffed as Dean's smile faded slightly. "Where all the loser's gather to flock because they aren't cool enough to party at the popular kids house. It's seriously a lose your cool card event, I mean dress up?! What are we twelve?" 

"...yeah...it sounds lame...but...maybe you wanted to go for a bit...to make fun of the..losers." Dean asked softly, hoping castiel didn't notice how bummed dean sounded that castiel disliked it. 

"I would rather drown than be there one minute with the losers that want to attend this." Castiel scoffed pushing the chair, dean said nothing. 

 

 

 

 

"Dean!" Castiel smiled as he jumped onto the couch, dean bounced at the rough movement as castiel handed him his phone. "Gabriel's throwing another..." Castiel was about to tell him but he noticed Sam sitting on the floor next to dean. "...Study group....I just need you to convince your folks-" Dean was reading over the text, but paused.

"I-im...sorry I can't...I have plans." Dean stated handing back castiel's phone. Castiel gaped opening and closing his mouth. 

"...plans?" Castiel snorted. "Yeah right." 

"What does that mean?" Dean stated obviously getting annoyed. 

"Nothing, I mean. I've been here a while now and you have my no social life." castiel stated obviously. "Your social life is watching TV and hanging out with your family." Dean angrily forced himself into his chair, as castiel sighed. "I'm sorry it's true. If you don't want to go to Gabriel's we can just stay with home." 

"For your information, I do have a social life. It might not be like yours, Mr. Hollywood but I love it." Dean stated fumbling with his computer, which he was trying to bring with him as he stormed off. It was tangled and plugged in behind the couch, castiel moved to help him but dean angrily just forces the computer into his arms wheeling off. He stopped momentarily, turning to look at castiel. "For the record, I have a date on Halloween. That's why I can't go." 

"D-Date?" Castiel sucked in air. "B-but...you have a boyfriend." Castiel's voice cracked at those words, Dean's family still didn't know they were together. 

"If I have no social life he has nothing to worry about." Dean hissed back as he wheeled into his room and slammed the door. Castiel's face scrunched in obvious annoyance of the fight. 

"Your face is going to stick that way if you keep glaring at the door." Sam started typing away at his own laptop. Castiel slowly turned his head towards Sam.

"...you're a computer expert." Castiel stated.

"I prefer a computer genius actually." Sam stated as twenty dollars was held towards Sam. 

"Find out who has that date with Dean, will you?" Castiel stated, as Sam smirked taking the twenty. 

"Now you're speaking my language." Sam stated as he started to search. 

 

 

 

 

Cain closed his locker as he turned to leave, when he almost slammed straight into castiel. He had been avoiding castiel the best he could since castiel threatened him, he jumped seeing the angry man. Arms crossed and looking ready to kill him. 

"So a little birdy told me, you asked my boyfriend on a date." Castiel tapped his fingers on his arm. 

"I-its not really a date..." Cain scratched the back of his head.  
"Oh really?" Castiel stated coldly. 

"Look, I noticed Dean wanted to go to the dance. He seemed really bummed about not going. So I offered to take him." Cain stated honestly. 

"Well." Castiel fixed Cains clothing. "You'll no longer be taking him. Dean will not be attending that dance tomorrow. With you or anyone. He will be attending Gabriel's party with me. Do you understand? Or do I have to talk to your brother?" 

"You're a bastard you know that?" Cain growled as he stormed pasted him, hitting him with his shoulder. "Dean deserves better." Castiel smirked in victory, as he walked away. 

 

 

 

 

Dean watched his siblings getting ready for Halloween, Sam went more traditional, vampire. Adam was dressed as little boo from monsters inc, and his parents had mike and sully costumes on. They were finishing up the last bit on their costumes before going.

"Dean sweetie, you look adorable." Mary walked over as she fixed his hair slightly. Dean was dressed up very nicely, suit and tie, his hair slicked back. He looked like a mobster, which was his ultimate goal. 

"Thanks mom." Dean smiled as she stood. Castiel walked out of the bedroom, leaning against the door frame.

"Are you sure you don't want us to wait till your date gets here?" Mary asked. "I would wait and take pictures." 

"No, its okay mom." Dean stated softly as he felt Mary kiss his cheek, before she walked towards the door. They waved goodbye, castiel heard them descending down the stairs that castiel moved. 

"If we hurry we can make Gabriel's party." Castiel stated as Dean gave him a look. 

"I wasn't kidding when I said I had a date." Dean scoffed.

"Really?" Castiel frowned wondering why Cain hadn't canceled yet as Dean's cell went off, he went to answer it. 

"Cain! Hi." Dean's smile faded, he made agreeing noises before he hung up. 

"Who was that?" Castiel smirked out of view.

"It...was Cain...he said he's not coming...he has a fever." Dean said sadly. 

"Alright! So Gabriel's! Here we come!" Castiel cheered moving to find a shirt, coming out with two. "Dean, which shirt screams I love to party?" He held out two of the shirts before he noticed the tears sliding down Dean's face. "...dean." 

Dean wiped his tears as castiel came over cupping his face, dean looked up sadly, as he shook his head.

"What's wrong?" Castiel stated softly.

"I...just really wanted to go..." Dean sniffed. "I know...its lame and only losers go...thats why I didn't ask you...I didn't want you to be forced to go..." Castiel felt a knot of guilt twist in his stomach, as he softly leaned in kissing him softly. 

"I didn't know this meant so much to you..." Castiel softly brushed his thumb over dean's tears. 

"...just go to your party. I'll tell my parents you stayed home all night with me." Dean moved to wheel himself towards the bedroom. 

"..." Castiel sighed as dean closed the door. "...I'm such a ass..."

 

 

 

 

Dean softly curled into his bed, crying his eyes out as he heard the bedroom door open a couple minutes later. He felt the pressure of someone entering his bed, as he turned to look at what he knew was castiel. Castiel cupped his face moving to kiss him instantly, dean softly closed his eyes kissing back. The rough kiss let out soft moans from their lips, dean felt castiel nip at his lips. Opening his mouth softly to him, and castiel ended up on top of him. Dean moved to undue his top, but castiel stopped him from untying his costume.

"As much as I like to touch your bare chest when we make out, we have a Halloween dance to attend." Castiel smiled as Dean blushed under him. 

"But you..." Dean choked out.

"Tonight, my costume is a less cooler castiel." Castiel chuckled, as Dean pulled him back into a hard kiss. 

 

 

 

Castiel gave up a night of drinking fun for a sober pg party, the dance was in the gym. Which was decked out in Halloween themed decorations, dean loved the whole experience. He wanted to do all the little activities, which castiel happily wheeled him to. 

They danced for a bit which dean enjoyed the most besides the game activities which he earned himself a new swimming friend, which after a lot of convincing castiel also earned himself one. 

Castiel had to admit...he had a lot of fun. 

 

 

 

 

"So what are we naming them?" Castiel asked as Dean set the fish tank on the counter with the two fish. 

"Well since you are half the parent. I thought maybe-" dean chuckled.

"Whoa. We are parents now?" Castiel stated with a laugh laying in dean's bed in his pajamas. 

"If we are moving too fast..." Dean rolled his eyes climbing in bed with castiel, in his boxers. Dean slowly growing more comfortable around castiel shirtless, castiel noticed too. 

"I think that's the definition of our lives..." Castiel slid his hand down Dean's chest as he moved to kiss him. Dean kissed back softly, tangling his hands in castiel's hair, pulling lightly as castiel mewed into the kiss. Castiel liked getting his hair pulled while they kissed, which dean learned on accident. He nipped at castiel's lips, as castiel granted him passage, moaning and pushing against him as they made out. 

 

 

 

 

"Did you feed Hansel and Gretel?" Dean asked as castiel stopped, moving to the fish he'd sprinkle fish food on the top.  


"Now I did." Castiel brushed the food off his hands before finishing helping dean slid on his weather, before wheeling him to the kitchen. Dean was very affectionate towards the fish, he loved watching them swim around the bowl together. 

Dean laid his elbows on the counter watching castiel cook them both breakfast. Dean was pale today again, which seemed to recurring, must to castiel's dissatisfaction. Dean said he was fine, just tired, which if castiel let him would most likely sleep all day. 

"What's for breakfast, my sweet?" Castiel kissed his cheek, nuzzling against the tired dean. 

"Any things fine." Dean stated petting castiel's head softly. 

"Can I make a suggestion?" A voice startled them, during this time the two were normally the only one in the house. Eyes fell on the Winchester, as castiel yanked away blushing. Sam sniffed looking like hell, as he moved to sit away from dean. Not wanting his already sick brother, sicker. "I want eggs and toast." 

"Make your own dewb." Castiel scoffed as Sam sniffed.

"Ouch, dewb, that hurts me so hard." Sam mocked. "What are you in, third grade?" 

"Going to be a sophomore actual." Castiel frowned. "Summer vacations around the corner and once that's over I will finally stop being fresh meat."

"I hope I make it to sophomore too." Dean smiled weakly as the room grew very quiet. 

"You'll make it dean." Sam spoke with a sniff. 

"Of course you will." Castiel took Dean's hand, dean said nothing as Sam and castiel looked at each other with concern. "How about after breakfast we can do your hair dean. Would you like that?"

"I'd like that." Dean softly smiled weakly, as castiel without argument made breakfast for all three of them. 

 

 

 

 

Sam being sick has put a damper on dean and castiel's private time. Extreme damper. Normally dean would have castiel pinned on the couch, exploring each others bodies in a hard make out session. Experimenting with how far they could go, how much they can touch, and how the person reacted to it. 

So far however dean and castiel have managed to sit near each other near breakfast. That's how close they have gotten. Castiel just texting away with amber lazily as Dean slept with his head on castiel's lap. Sam sat in front of them on the floor curled in some blankets, as he sneezed and coughed randomly. 

"Well, this is boring." Castiel announced, as Sam sniffed. 

"Isn't this what you both normally do?" Sam gave him a look."or are two too busy making out?"

"W-What?" Castiel went deep red, as Sam moved to change the TV to a video game. 

"My parents suspect, but I know. Dean really likes you for some reason. You...I can't read if you like him back though. Sure, you might like the idea of having a relationship, but I can't tell if you care who its with." Sam stated as his video game loaded.

"I'm shallow...sure. I like myself too much. Have a me complex. But...I like your brother....I've never liked someone so much...but I can't help but feel...I am going to destroy him." Castiel slid his thumb over Dean's cheek softly as Dean lean into the touch still sleeping. "I break everything I touch and Dean's already so fragile-"

"You will break him if you treat him like glass." Sam coughed. "You are the only person I know who treats him...like he's human. You fight to the very end when arguing even when you're wrong. Not letting dean just win, making dean earn it...I may think ill of you, but nothing concerning my brother."

"Thanks...I think." Castiel blinked. 

"Oh, I'll destroy you for sure if you hurt him. I'll destroy every future you have, and make sure to take all your money." Sam stated.

"Sure, you can have my fifty cents in my pocket." Castiel scoffed as Sam blinked. "I have no money."

"Yes you do. You're loaded." Sam stated as he paused the game to pull up the article about his family and his inheritance on his phone. "You just have to be eighteen to actually get it."

"Eighteen huh?" Castiel clicked his tongue thinking hard, as Dean stirred lightly, his face showed signs of pain or discomfort. As castiel pet his hair concerned, he kissed Dean's forehead, Dean curling into him more. 

"I wish money could solve everything...I'd fix dean with it.." Sam stated sadly as he stood getting Dean's pain medication. Castiel softly watched Dean's chest fall and rise with discomfort, remembering what Michael had said before.

"...maybe it could..." Castiel mumbled, hoping maybe he was right.


	10. You're my Clarity

To quote Gilbert k Chesterton, 

"To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless."

 

Castiel ran his fingers through Dean's hair, watching his boyfriends chest rise and fall with discomfort. Dean was so pale by the time December rolled around. He slept all the time, having a hard time keeping his eyes open. 

Dean was sleeping spooned against castiel, after a small make out session. Castiel just watched his chest rise and fall in the silence of the room. 

The door opened causing castiel to turn towards it, as Mary stepped in. Mary brushed off the snow, before coming in taking off her coat. 

"How long has he been out?" Mary asked softly.

"Four hours." Castiel mumbled softly. 

"Has he taken any of his pain meds?" Mary asked as castiel shook his head no.

"He said he doesn't want to rely on those. Said it put him in this mess." Castiel stated, as Mary closed the cabinet with a sigh of annoyance. 

"Then I guess we start crushing it into his food." Mary mumbled grabbing some left overs. "That boy is so stubborn.Gets it from his father."

She started to heat up three plates, as she grabbed Dean's pain medication from the cabinet, starting to crush it up. 

"Haven't had to crush up his food since he was little." Mary confessed, chuckling.

"He is such a big baby sometimes." Castiel chuckled as well, sitting up. He careful moved from dean to walk into the kitchen to join Mary, as he watched her take spaghetti from the microwave, sprinkling the pills like cheese before sprinkling cheese to cover the look and taste. 

"Castiel, Dean needs three pills a day to keep his pain down and help his heart. I need your help giving it to him. Once every meal." Mary sighed, as she heated the other two. 

"B..but-" castiel choked out. 

"I know, this is morally wrong...but if...it keeps him..." Mary didn't finish as she breathed back the tears as she stayed quiet. "Please. Do this for me."

"O-Okay." Castiel nodded softly as Mary pulled him close softly hugging him. 

"Thank you." Mary breathed as castiel slowly moved to hug back. He felt so small in her arms, and he took the affection hard. Hugging her back in silence as the microwave made Mary turn away. She grabbed the plate, putting cheese on it before handing both plates to castiel. "Right hands Deans. Okay?" 

Castiel nodded, as she kissed his forehead, he walked towards the living room as she grabbed her bowl, snatching her purse. 

"I'll be back late. I might be pulling a double. Make sure he gets his last pill. If he refuses to eat, give him dessert. He always eat it." Mary stated before rushing out the door. Leaving sleeping Dean and castiel in the silence, as castiel sighed turning to look at Dean. Placing both plates down, he softly kissed Dean's face, and lips as Dean stirred in response. 

"Are you hungry?" Castiel asked softly as Dean softly shook his head no. "You haven't eaten since ten. It's four. Please eat something."

Dean grunted as he sat up, rubbing his eyes as Castiel turned looking at the food, he slowly reached for a plate. Pausing as he touched the pill one, before grabbing it and handing it to Dean. 

Dean took it gratefully, as castiel cupped his face softly kissing him. 

"Thank you." Castiel stated, as he watched Dean pick up the fork. Castiel took a seat next to Dean, helping himself to his own food as he watched Dean dig into the food. Feeling the guilt tighten in his stomach as he watched Dean eat. Hoping he was making the right choice. 

 

 

 

 

 

Adam screeched as Dean followed him in the wheelchair, chasing him as the toddler bolted around. Castiel moved out of the way just in time for the toddler to run past. Holding up the food he had made for Adam, Dean and him. Dean sped past him, laughing as Castiel smiled affectionately. Ever since they had been slipping pills into Dean's food, he's... Seemed happier. More lively. 

He wasn't in pain, wasn't sleeping as much. He was racing around with Adam, spending more time awake with Castiel. He even talked about going to school once a week again. Castiel was feeling so hopeful, and he couldn't control his happiness. 

"Hey, food time you two." Castiel chuckles as Dean scooped up adam, moving to the dinner table. Panting roughly as Adam giggled and wiggled for freedom. 

Castiel picked up Adam, placing him into his chair. Before giving them both their grilled cheese sandwiches, watching them eat. He smiled kissing Dean's head, before a knock on the door gained his attention. 

Castiel moved to the door, opening it, talking to the mail man. He sighed for the envelope that looked important, it must have been for it to need his signature. 

**Dean Winchester**

Castiel read who the envelope was addressed to, as he walked back into the kitchen. 

"Who was it?" Dean asked. 

"It was the mailman. Package for you." Castiel handed him the package. Dean took it hesitantly as he ripped it open. He read the note inside carefully as his confusion turned into a huge smile on his face. 

"I-i got it....the make a wish thing! Th-they made my wish come true!" Dean smiled happily. 

"What? Dean that's wonderful." Castiel hugged him tightly. "What was your wish?"

"I guess you should know where we are going." Dean smiled softly handing him two tickets, castiel blinked reading them. 

"T-Three tickets to Hollywood?!" Castiel gasped. 

"Yep. My wished was to spend a week in Hollywood. They got everything set up. Hotel and everything." Dean stated. "And you're coming with... And a parent. Obviously. But they get their own room." 

"R-Really?!" Castiel moved happily kissing him repeatedly. Dean chuckled as he pulled him onto his lap. 

"Really." Dean smiled as Castiel happily kissed him again. 

 

 

 

 

"You be good okay?" Mary kissed Dean's cheek then castiel's as she tried not to cry. As she was seeing them off in the airport. "Castiel you take care of my baby okay?"

"I will." Castiel reassured. 

"Mom, I'm not a baby. Its just for a week." Dean wiped the kiss away. "Plus, Mr. Shurley will be there." 

"Don't worry, Mary." Chuck stated touching her shoulder. "I know the area very well, all they are going to do is site see in the better areas." Mary nodded as they started to whisper to each other. 

"Secrets adults keep huh?" Dean chuckled. Castiel turned at that, watching Dean stare at them. 

"Yeah..." Castiel stated moving to stand behind dean as he unlocked Dean's wheels. Dean let castiel turn his chair as chuck quickly moved to join them. 

"Alright, ready to go boys?" Chuck asked as Dean looked back to wave goodbye to his mom. 

"Yeah." Dean smiled as he looked up at castiel. Castiel smiled back. 

 

 

 

 

"You're in Hollywood?!" Amber squealed as castiel pulled his phone away. 

"Y-Yeah. My boyfriend, dad and I in town for week-" castiel chuckled as He watched Dean wait for his luggage, chuck and him laughing together.

"Wait, get out. Boyfriend? That hot punk Dean guy?" Amber smiled. "He's here?"

"W-Well yeah." Castiel shuttered, his friends knew of Dean. They knew he was a Punk rocker from Detroit that won castiel's heart. They knew Castiel lived with Dean. They didn't know his boyfriend was a amputee. They didn't know Dean was in a wheelchair. They didn't know about Dean's heart and they didn't know dean was slowly dying. 

"We have to meet up." Amber stated. 

"I-I don't know.. This is more for Dean than me." Castiel bit at his lip. 

"Come on, you can spare a couple hours to see us." Amber begged. "We miss you." 

"...I'll let you know okay?" Castiel stated quietly as he noticed Dean tried to wave him over. "I gotta go. Okay? Bye." 

Castiel walked over, happily to dean who had finally gotten the last bag. 

"Got your bag of hair supplies?" Castiel teased as Dean laughed mockingly. 

"Har Har." Dean mocked as chuck held the bags, as castiel started to push Dean. A man was waiting holding a sign with Dean's name, which they had gotten him a limo to make Dean's Hollywood experience perfect. Dean was super excited, he had never seen a limo in real life "this big". 

 

 

 

 

The first day in Hollywood was mostly just getting there and settling into their hotels, it was mid afternoon when they had left. Now it was pretty late, Dean slept with his head on castiel's legs almost the entire limo ride. Since he was unable to slip Dean any medication in the random meals they had on the plane. He was tired and in pain since arriving, looking pale and worse for wear once again.

Chuck ended up carrying Dean up to the hotel, castiel using the wheelchair to hold the luggage. The room Dean and castiel were to share had only one bed, which chuck wasn't to worried about them sharing. Since he really had no idea the two were dating, he softly carried Dean into his bed tucking him in. Castiel putting the wheelchair and their bags into the corner, as Chuck moved to the door. Castiel followed. 

"So my room is a little down the hall." Chuck stated looking at the numbers on the door. 

"We will be fine, dad." Castiel leaned against the door frame. "Dean will be okay once I get some of his heart medication into his system."

"You sure?" Chuck looked over worryingly at the kid. "...maybe he was too sick for the trip-" He was taken back by castiel pulling out his phone, pulling up the memo pad.

"Dean wanted to start the trip bright and early waking up at seven am. He needs to take a shower because he won't be happy on the trip without one, so that normally takes an hour. As well as his hair, it takes about forty five, and don't offer to help. He likes it a certain way and I got that down. Getting him dressed is the easy part, about fifteen minutes. We also need to eat at the free breakfast bar before we run all over Hollywood. So I pushed everything back to after ten so Dean can do all the normal tourist stuff he wanted done. Don't worry. I limited down the tour rides to only two, since he wanted to do five. But that being said don't expect us downstairs till about nine thirty, where we will meet you for breakfast. I texted you the schedule for tomorrow." Castiel finished, speaking with such maturity chuck had to double take his own child. 

"Wow...you have changed...can barely recognize you." Chuck cupped his face and kissed his forehead. 

"For the better I hope." Castiel chuckled. 

"I didn't expect anything less." Chuck smiled softly as he hugged his son goodnight before moving towards his room as castiel slowly went inside closing the door. Castiel went into his bag pulling out Dean's pills, he crushed some into a glass of water. Moving to dean, he softly kissed dean awake, as Dean mumbled. 

"What time is it?" Dean grumbled. 

"Ten pm, my sweet." Castiel kissed him softly. "Drink your water, then I'll get you into some pajamas." Castiel handed him the glass, before digging through dean's luggage. He made sure to watch Dean swallow it down in the semi lit room Dean didn't notice the trace of crushed pills. 

Dean put the glass down as Castiel slowly walked back over with Dean's favorite pajamas. Dean tiredly let castiel help him dress, normally unwilling but he was too out of it to argue. 

Dean yawned tiredly as castiel helped him back into bed, but Dean didn't instantly go back to sleep. He laid tiredly watching castiel change into his own pajamas. When castiel was finished, he turned off the light and crawled into bed. 

Castiel turned to sleep, but Dean's arms wrapped around him, pulling the teen closer as castiel softly relaxed into the arms. 

"I dream a lot." Dean breathed into castiel's back. "Every time I close my eyes I dream about us older."

"How old?" Castiel chuckled softly. 

"Really old...like thirty." Dean mumbled as castiel smiled. 

"Am I hot older?" Castiel asked.

"As always." Dean sucked in air.

"Am I happy?" Castiel smiled rubbing Dean's arm with affection being the smaller spoon. 

"...sometimes..." Dean nuzzled him. "My favorite dream is us at a park...the grass is so green. I'm healthy, have my metal leg, and you're wearing a suit. I think you're coming back from work." 

"What do I do in the future?" Castiel teased. 

"You sell toilets." Dean teased his eyes closed, castiel lightly smacked him. "Okay okay, You're an actor." Castiel hummed contently.

"So I'm fresh off set. Gorgeous heart throb wind blowing and perfect. I'm in the park going to see you. What are you doing?" Castiel asked curiously. "Why are you at the park?"

"I think we are having a picnic...because I'm always sitting on the checkered red blanket." Dean mumbled. 

"So we are alone having a picnic in a park. Romantic." Castiel rubbed his arm giving it a kiss.

"I never said we were alone." Dean stated.

"Then...who's with us?" Castiel questioned. 

"A little girl who looks just like you. Maybe six. Always comes running over to hug you." Dean breathed against castiel's neck which made castiel blush. Dean imagined a future with him? 

"One big happy family?" Castiel breathed out. 

"Yes." Dean stated his voice growing sad. "I wish all the dreams were that good."

"What are you other dreams?" Castiel choked out almost regretting asking. 

"Sometimes...you're alone..." Dean buried his face into castiel's back. "...Crying in front of a grave.." Castiel felt a tear fall, as he quickly wiped it away. He knew whose grave that was, Dean knew too. Castiel quietly turned pulling him into a hard slow kiss, as Dean softly kissed back holding him till they slowly and lazily drifted to sleep. 

 

 

 

 

The trip was pretty much a total success. Only four days have gone by in their trip, and castiel and dean have explored every tourist spot at least three times. Dean loving the shit out of it like it was his first time each time. 

They got tons of photos and or 'selfies' which one ended up Dean's main profile picture on Facebook. Which was castiel duck facing with a peace sign, Dean's arm tight around his neck pulling him close. Pressing a kiss to castiel's cheek under the Hollywood sign. Which they had to sneak when Chuck had went to relieve himself. 

Castiel had to admit it was cute of them, making it his profile picture as well. Which normally he thought it was cheesy, but at that moment he could care less. With the hashtag #hollywithbae❤

He posted all the pictures on Facebook, which received a lot of likes almost instantly. Though he really couldn't care at the moment. His focus was on Dean and making sure he was happy. 

 

 

 

 

Chuck had opted to return to the hotel which was right across the street from the restaurant dean and castiel had decided to eat at. Tired from the long adventures, taking his nap time seriously. He gave castiel his credit card, and told him to go straight to the hotel after eating. 

Castiel nodded as Dean and castiel decided on an outside table. Enjoying the sun and breeze as Dean enjoyed his juice. 

"Are we going to see your friends?" Dean asked as castiel texted on his phone. 

"Probably not." Castiel stated updating his status. 

"Is it because they don't know I'm gimpy?" Dean asked as castiel almost knocked over his drink, looking at dean with shock. 

"W-What?! I-I.." Castiel was taken back. "N-No, this week is for you. Not me. That's why no."

"Awh. I wanted to tell them I fought a shark." Dean seemed bummed patting his stump.

"What?" Castiel raised an eyebrow. 

"I was going to tell them I lost it fighting a shark." Dean smiled. "Total jaws like."

"That's a lie." Castiel gave him a look. 

"A little lie didn't kill anyone." Dean chuckled. They were quiet as Dean opened his mouth.

"No. You can't tell people that you lost it to a shark." Castiel stated not looking up from his phone. Dean closed his mouth pouting. 

"...Bathroom time." Dean stated after a moment of silence wheeled his chair from the table, and castiel stood. "I got this. If I need you I'll buy a diaper." Dean chuckled as Castiel paused hesitantly moving to sit down. 

"Are you sure?" Castiel asked. 

"Yes mom." Dean teased as he rolled away. Castiel waited till he was gone before taking out the pill. He crushed it with his spoon before sprinkling it on the inside of Dean's hamburger. 

"Whoa castiel, didn't know roofie was your thing?" Castiel heard from behind him, slamming the burger top back down, he turned seeing Amber, Kyle and Jody. 

"You guys!" Castiel moved to stand hugging them all. "How did you find me?"

"Your status is 'Lunch with bae.' With a selfie, and tagged location....it was hard." Kyle joked. 

"Hey...if you can keep what you saw a secret." Castiel laughed nervously about the pill.

"Mums the word." Kyle stated. 

"Now, where your good looking punk?" Amber looked around.

"He's in the bathroom." Castiel stated as Amber pulled out her phone. "But i think you guys should go."

"Why? Scared we will scare him away?" Jody teased. 

"Something like that, please go!" Castiel begged, knowing how judgmental and shallow they were.

"I'm not going anywhere till i get a selfie with Mr. Tall, dark and-....." Amber stated as Dean came from the restaurant entrance. Castiel's friends eyes fell onto him standing awkwardly, staring at his gimp with obvious shock. 

"...i... fought a shark?" Dean vocalized as castiel facepalmed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter but I wanted to get one out tonight. I hope to post the next chapter sometime tomorrow


	11. This Heavy Crown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: UNDERAGE SEX, UNDERAGE DRINKING, AND UNCONSENTING DRUG USE

Castiel watched lazily as Dean talked Amber and Jody's ear off. He had convinced the two of the following things:

1\. He had lost his leg fighting a shark.

2\. He had convinced them Detroit was closer to Hawaii.

3\. There was a ocean surrounding Detroit.

4\. He may be island royalty.

 

Castiel watched his boyfriend talking, hardly listening. He couldn't help himself from softly smiling, Dean was like a real life human version of puppy. He watched amber reach up to Dean's Mohawk, but castiel's hand grabbed her hand stopping her out of instant reaction and put it back down. 

"Cas?" Amber questioned as they all looked at him strangely.

"Hmm?" Castiel asked snapping back into reality. 

"He...said I could touch his hair." Amber blinked as Castiel sat up.

"...Yeah, I don't think that's a good idea." Castiel states suddenly very protective of his boyfriend. 

"Why not?" Jody asked. 

"It's mine. Off limits." Castiel stated as Dean chuckled. 

"Sorry ladies. Boyfriend's call." Dean shrugged. 

"Come on, Cas. Don't be that way." Amber whined. 

"Its my favorite thing about him. I can't let you damage it." Castiel teased as Dean chuckled.

"He's right. My hair is like a thing from the gods. Only gods and Cas can touch it." Dean smiled as he reached out holding castiel's hand. Castiel affectionately squeezed it. 

"Gross. Romance." Kyle made a grossed out noise as he pulled castiel close to him, making castiel and Dean's hands separate. "So you going to Amber's party tomorrow?"

Dean's eyes glared at kyle, and castiel had noticed the tension between the two. 

"No, Dean and I have plenty to do the last couple days-" castiel answered honestly but he was cut off.

"I see, it's because you got to tuck him in. He must tire so easily." Kyle looked at dean with a smirk as Dean frowned. "Its at ten, castiel, you guys won't be sight seeing then....I know you want to go." Kyle whispered to castiel. 

Dean could see castiel's conflicted face, he could see he wanted to go.

"We will be there." Dean stated glaring at Kyle.

"Dean i-i don't think-" Castiel choked out. Dean had no idea how intense Hollywood parties were compared to the party they had been to.

"I said we will be there." Dean repeated as Castiel closed his mouth. Amber got excited starting to talk about the party, as Dean politely nodded listening. Castiel's eyes scanned the group who seemed to be having a good time...yet castiel couldn't help feel like this was a horrible mistake. 

 

 

 

 

 

Castiel laid in bed with Dean watching some cheesy old times zombie movie. Dean was pretty into it, castiel was pretty into laying on Dean's bare chest and listening to his heartbeat. He kept closing his eyes as he listened to it beat, sliding his fingers over Dean's chest scars. 

Click

 

Castiel looked up in time to watch the TV being shut off half way through the movie. He blinked, sitting up. Surprised dean had turned it off so early. 

"Are you tired?" Castiel asked softly as Dean shook his head no.

"I want to talk to you...about something." Dean looked away as castiel sat up looking at him seriously. 

"What's wrong?" Castiel asked seriously. 

"I-It's nothing like that." Dean chuckled nervously as he looked down at his hands. Dean was quiet for a long time before dean cleared his throat. "I love you." 

"W...what?" Castiel felt a knot in his chest as Dean blushed harder. 

"I love you. There I said it." Dean blushed harder, castiel's face didn't change as dean cleared his throat again. "I-i don't expect you to say it back, but i-i wanted you to know. I-I had planned to tell you in a better setting...but I love you. I love the shit out of you. I-ive known since the day we first kissed. But I never...I never had more of a reason to keep fighting...because I want nothing more than to have a future with you-"

Castiel cut him off by grabbing his face and pulling him into a hard kiss. Dean moaned into the kiss with surprise, kissing back just as hard as Dean's hands moved to tangle in castiel's hair. Both moving to lay back into the bed, as the kissing only grew more intense. 

Dean moaned into the kiss as Castiel moved on top of him. Softly sliding his fingers down Dean's chest, Dean's tongue let castiel lead the kissing. Only pulling away to catch his breath for a moment, castiel kissing dean's neck and chest. 

"C-..." Dean swallowed. "Cas...I...I'm ready if...you are..." 

Castiel paused his actions as they stared at each other, blush on each other's cheeks, Dean panted looking up at castiel brushed some loose hair out of his face with a soft smile. 

Castiel sat up slowly took off his over large t shirt, both blushing deep red, as Dean slowly moved to slid a hand over castiel's chest. Castiel watched him softly before leaning down and kissing his easy and slow. 

Dean moaned into the soft pace kiss, as dean held castiel's hips, slowly rolling his hips against castiel's. Castiel let out a soft quiet moan, as he broke the kiss to stare into Dean's eyes. Dean moved his bugle again into castiel's who moaned a bit more loudly. 

They were nervous. They were inexperienced. Castiel had gotten to second base before, but Dean never even played the game he had so little experience. But as Dean rolled his hips into castiel's, both just staring into each others eyes. They want this. They wanted this step with each other. 

They were kissing again once they were hardening against each other, dean moved on top of him. Gripping castiel's pants. He yanked them down with slight struggling, since Dean wasn't paying attention to the fact castiel always tied his pajama pants onto his hips. 

Castiel moaned at the feel of losing the warmth on his legs, Dean's hands once he tossed away the fabric. Had started sliding his hands slowly up castiel's hips. The kiss was hard and needy, but he was calm. There was no doubt in castiel's mind that he wanted this. He wanted this with Dean and only Dean. 

Castiel flipped them again, slowly sliding down Dean's batman pajama pants, not surprised to see Dean going commando underneath. Pulling away the fabric, he watched Dean's harden cock come out from underneath. Castiel watched it, as Dean moved to kiss his neck, castiel moved his head to give him more room.

"Do you know what to do now?" Castiel chuckled as dean smiled into the neck kisses. 

"Believe it or not...you are sleeping with a gay man." Dean mumbled. "While you were jacking off to big tits, I was watching exactly what we are doing now." 

"I was not jacking off to big tits...I'm more of a ass guy." Castiel mumbled. 

"Do I have a nice ass?" Dean chuckled. 

"Exactly why I like you, Winchester." Castiel teased kissing him. 

"I thought it was my hair." Dean teased into the kiss.

"Hair, then ass. In that order." Castiel snickered.

"Now, since you're the straight one, I'm assuming you want to top?" Dean asked as castiel blushed. "I'll talk you through it." 

"T...thanks." Castiel blushed as Dean smiled softly. 

"Do you still have that lotion from the gift shop?" Dean asked as castiel nodded retrieving it. "Pour some onto your fingers and you are going to stretch me out. One finger at a time and only add one when I say, okay?" 

Castiel nodded blushing deep red on the idea of fingering his boyfriend. In all his years, he never imagined losing his virginity to a guy. Castiel carefully slid one lotioned up finger into dean, going redder at the airy moan that escaped his lips. Watching dean react to every little finger, following Dean's command. 

Dean was a panting mess under him, as castiel softly leaned down kissing him softly, as he moved to position once Dean was fully prepped and ready. Castiel couldn't help but want to kiss every little freckle on his body. Starting with the one on his lower lip.

"I love you, Dean Winchester." Castiel breathed cupping his face. 

"I...love...you...too." Dean panted as Castiel leaned down nuzzling him.

"Ready to go?" Castiel asked innocently enough. Which caused Dean to bust up laughing. "What?" Castiel chuckled slightly embarrassed.

"You are about to take my virginity and you ask me if 'I'm ready to go'? As if you were asking me to head home after school?" Dean chuckled. "You are so lame but in a cute way." 

"I apologize my...start to this wasn't so romantic!" Castiel blushed. "How is this? My darling soulth matie! Where out thou ready to maketh the sweethest love?" Castiel laughed as Dean busted up laughing harder. Castiel kissing and laughing against Dean's throat. This was sex to them. It was awkward, silly and new. This was...them.

"That's even worse!" Dean chuckled as he shook his head pulling Castiel into a soft kiss, they kissed softly for a few minutes getting back into the swing of thing. Dean softly opened his legs more for castiel, as castiel understood the hint. He slowly got back into position, pushing in slowly. He moaned softly into the kiss, not stopping till he was completely in. 

"You okay?" Castiel broke the kiss softly as Dean held his breath nodding softly. Breathing roughly against his lips, as Dean covered his eyes. 

"Gi-Give me a second." Dean breathed, it hurt. He knew he needed to adjust, it said that every movie. Every book. Adjust. 

"Do you want me to pull out?" Castiel said with concern as Dean shook his head no.

"Just need a minute..." Dean breathed before playfully adding. "...don't let this get to your head. You're cocky as it is..."

"This is SO going to my head." Castiel chuckled kissing Dean's neck. "I rendered the beautiful Dean winchester speechless with my-" Dean lightly smacked him as castiel chuckled. Castiel softly took care to lazily kiss the exposed skin on Dean's arm. Giving him all the time he needed, when Dean slowly and eventually lowered his hands. He cupped castiel's face softly kissing his nose. 

"You can move." Dean stated, as Castiel smiled softly kissing him again. He awkwardly moved out of Dean, to push back in. Dean moaned loudly, as he reached back to grip the headboard, feeling castiel slowly get into the habit of thrusting. Castiel mouthed kisses moaning airy moans, as they started off slowly, awkwardly. Their bodies slowly adjusting to the new feelings and movements between them.  
The bed headboard lightly smacked back into the wall, as Dean gripped it. It moved with Dean taking the brunt of castiel's deep thrusts. As Dean's other hand gripped castiel's ass, clasping one hand on a cheek he pulled him closer when castiel thrusted deeply. 

Castiel tangled one hand into Dean's hair, pulling it semi roughly, as castiel used his other hand to grip Dean's hip. Their bodies got into the swing of things, mouths and tongue silencing their moans and screams. The bed creaked loudly, the headboard banged against the wall. Dean lucky that the couple staying there had went out partying didn't mind their loud and obvious sounds of sex. 

Dean broke the kiss to throw his head back as Castiel hit his prostate, and castiel took the given opportunity to leave perfect hickeys on his neck. Castiel decided that he loved Dean's shocked with pleasure face the most. He loved the noisy moans that associated with it. 

Castiel seemed to be aiming for that face with each thrust, and dean involuntarily gave it. Gasping and groaning as he closed his eyes. They both didn't want this to end, but the reality came with Dean's walls crushing around castiel's cock. Castiel swore, cumming roughly from the feel. Dean groaned as he threw his head back cumming with each other. Cum spilled down Dean's stomach as Dean finished he collapsed back into the pillows tiredly.

 

Castiel licked the sweat that dripped down Dean's neck, and dean moaned softly at the feel. Before castiel pulled out, he took his time to kiss and taste dean's tired sweaty skin. He rolled into his side once he had however and slowly looked at Dean. Dean panted softly catching his breath. Opening one eye to look at castiel. 

"That was fun." Dean smiled as they both chuckled. Castiel pulled Dean close softly nuzzling him. 

"Can see why the adults do it so much." Castiel kissed his neck. "They weren't lying in the movies. God. I loved every face you made." 

"I can just tell I'm going to be sore tomorrow." Dean nuzzled him with his eyes closed. Castiel smiled cockly at that statement. "Great, I just fueled your ego. Fuck. Can I take it back?"

"No." Castiel laughed as he softly pulled Dean close tiredly holding him close. Rubbing his arms till both softly fell asleep. 

 

 

 

 

 

"Seriously, I need your power with adults." Castiel shook his head, as he pushed Dean up the long pathway to Amber's mansion. 

"Its because they feel sorry for me." Dean stated softly but castiel wasn't listening. He was happy and excited, couldn't stop talking about it. Dean had lied to chuck about a eleven thirty movie he was dying to see. Chuck caved of course. Telling them that they needed to be back before two, which they said was the out time. "...you remember if I lied, you promise you won't leave my side, right?" Dean's voice was so quiet castiel almost missed it. 

"Hey, you asked for one thing from me. I think I can manage one request." Castiel chuckled. He got up to the front door with slight difficulty, knocking on it. It was kyle who opened the door, his face instantly lit up at castiel's presence. 

"Cassie! My man! You made it!" Kyle chuckled as they did some sort of...handshake thing. 

"Yeah, dean got one past my dad." Castiel tried to lean back Dean's wheelchair. "Little help, kyle?" Kyle grunted in annoyance as he helped Dean's chair into the house. The party was loud. Unlike the gabriel house parties in Kansas, it was super loud. Beers openly displayed, nearly every person who lived was there. Dean instantly recoiled at the tight crampedness. 

Castiel was still... Wary of the party. The more he met his old friends he started to push back the feeling of...uneasiness that was below the surface. Making sure Dean held tightly to his own soda, he decided on being responsible. Since Dean surely couldn't get them home after they were done. Castiel was happy to share a soda with Dean. 

They danced, Dean and Cas. Castiel had a good time lightly dancing next to Dean's chair, leaning down to kiss his cute dorkable face. Castiel chit chatted and talked to almost every single person he once knew here. Introducing dean to each one. Proud and happy with his wheelchair bound lover, he could tell Dean loved the affection and praise. 

After a hour and a half, castiel sat on the end of the couch next to Dean's chair. Chatting about his new life and the adventures he had there to a couple of people. Kyle drank down some spiked punch, saying nothing. As he watched Dean not really having fun, but he was contently enjoying being with his boyfriend. This obviously wasn't Dean's style.

"Castiel! Come! Quickly!" Amber ran over as she tried to pull castiel from the couch. 

"What? Why?" Castiel chuckled laughing at the wasted mess of the girl. 

"I just told these bozos I can beat them at beer pong! You are the best beer pong champion I know." Amber begged. "I need a partner!"

"I-I don't know-" castiel stated unsure.

"Come on! Please! Please! Please!" Amber begged repeatedly. Dean could tell castiel's will was breaking. 

"Cas..." Dean stated strongly hoping castiel didn't agree. 

"Live a little! Please?! This is my last party with you here! Please!" Amber begged. "You can return to your boyfriend in a second! Prove to us you are still the Castiel we know and love." 

"Ugh! Fine! One game!" Castiel stood laughing but Dean gripped his hand. 

"You promised." Dean's face begged castiel to stay. To keep his promise. 

"Dean. I'll be back in less than five. I promise. What could happen in five minutes?" Castiel reassured. 

"Castiel, p-please." Dean begged. Dean felt uncomfortable, like something bad would happen. Gripping to castiel's side like a lifeline.

"Five minutes! Don't be so clingy. God. I'll be right back." Castiel laughed as felt Amber yank him away. Dean didn't stop him. He felt castiel's hand slowly slip from his grip as he sadly watched him walk away, almost slow motion as Castiel didn't look back before disappearing into the crowd. 

 

 

 

 

"We win, boys!" Castiel smirked in trumpet. Amber cheered as she jumped happily. Hugging castiel as high fives and cheers followed their victory. Castiel felt like the man. Top of the world. Swigging a victory shot as he raised his arms in the air and more cheering erupted. 

Though the cheers were short lived as the music abruptly cut off and a girls screams erupted from the house. 

"He's not breathing! Oh my god! He's not breathing!" A girl screamed, people slowly quickened pace towards the noise. Castiel's breath hitched as he followed the crowd, the pit in his stomach tightened. It was like he was possessed. His body moved involuntarily through the bodies till he stood before the screaming girl. 

Kyle stood frozen above her, shaking like a leaf, as the girl attempted chest compressions. Castiel's choked out air he had been holding made him feel so sick. Tears filling his eyes as the girl attempted CPR, Dean laid on the floor lifeless. 

"D-.. Dean." Castiel fell to his knees as he shakingly touched Dean's forehead. Lightly running his fingers over it. 

"Oh my god." Jody pushed through the crowd, stopping at the sight before dialing nine one one "Hello? We need an ambulance at 322-" 

Castiel's ears were ringing, as he touched Dean's lifeless body, the room silent. It was like a bomb went off and only castiel noticed. 

"I-im sorry, man..." Kyle choked out. "I-I just wanted to have a little fun...i-i just wanted to help loosen him up-" castiel stood tears in his eyes as he glared at kyle.

"What. Did. You. Do." Castiel choked out, kyle stuttered as Castiel punched him hard in the nose. Grabbing him roughly by the shirt he pinned him against the wall. "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!" 

"I-I spiked the soda I gave him when you left! I spiked him with Rebutatia!" Kyle whimpered as coughing started up and rough breathing from the floor. This made castiel's face explode in anger as he punched him harder and repeatedly without mercy.

"HE HAS A BAD HEART!" Castiel hissed, tears of anger sliding down his face. "HE'S TAKING MOXITOTION TO STAY ALIVE! GIVING HIM REBUTATIA COULD KILL HIM!" 

"I-I DIDN'T KNOW! PLEASE!" Kyle whimpered loudly shielding himself whimpering.

"He's breathing! Thank god!" Jody choked out as Castiel roughly punched kyle again. Kyle fell to the floor, as castiel moved to Dean's side. Cupped his face he kissed Dean's forehead as he heard the loud sound of sirens. People started to scatter, as castiel held Dean sobbing. Praying he will be okay. 

 

 

 

 

"...As it stands now. Your son's condition is stable. As we all know Rebutatia is a type of speed, and the pressure it has done on your son's heart... I'm afraid it has sped up the consequences of your son's failing heart..." The doctor started as John held Mary close. She sobbed roughly into his arm, as Castiel sat outside the curtained covered room. His eyes looking through a small crack in the curtain from his seat. "...your son's body as a last result has placed itself on lockdown. He is currently in a coma-"

"How long?" Mary asked sniffing tears falling never ending. 

"Before this, I'd say he had maybe half a year left." The doctor breathed. "Unfortunately, now, I'd be surprised if he lived a month." Castiel wished he never heard it, the sound will forever haunt his memory, the loud hollow sounds of Mary's wails as she shook her head collapsing to the floor. John held her tightly, tears sliding down his face as he moved to hold her. 

"I'm...sorry for your loss." The doctor breathed as castiel felt the hot prickle of tears sliding down his cheeks. Castiel felt his father wrap arms around him, as Castiel instantly moved to cry into his chest. 

 

 

 

 

Dean was too sick to move, it was obvious by the plans and conversations the Winchesters were having. Mary and John agreeing that renting the hotel they were staying at till Dean...

"Mary, I could help-" chuck started, castiel couldn't look at them from the chair he sat at a bit away. 

"I think you and your son helped enough." Mary sniffed. "I took your son in as a kindness. Grew to love him as my own. Treated him as well as I treat my sons. But your son killed my son-" 

"Mary." John snapped as Mary brushed away her tears walking away to be with Dean.

"...we...just think it would be best to...not allow castiel visits." John stated as Castiel felt fears sliding down his face. 

"But...john...you told me yourself those boys mean the world to each other-" chuck tried but John just looked down softly. 

"...we won't be pressing any charges if he just let's us enjoy what little time we have with our son-" john sighed sadly. 

Chuck scoffed shaking his head in disbelief. 

"Come on castiel." Chuck grabbed his hand yanking him away, as Castiel instantly started to have a break down. Falling on his knees he started to scream, begging to stay. Screaming for Dean. He was a mess of tears and agony. Chuck had to pick up castiel to carry him away kicking and screaming. 

 

 

 

 

"I need my Money. The money mom left me." Castiel sniffed as chuck drove them back to the hotel.

"Why do you need it?" Chuck asked softly.

"To get Dean a new heart." Castiel sniffed as he looked out the window. "If I can convince the committee to give dean a new heart-

"Bribery, Cas?" Chuck scoffed at the idea.

"I will give anything to give Dean a new heart." Castiel wiped a tear. 

"...you're a good kid..." Chuck sighed sadly. "But Susan is the legal representation for your mother, and your mother was very clear you don't receive the money till after your eighteenth birthday-"

"Dean won't live that long." Castiel hissed.

"...I know you're upset, but...castiel you can't save Dean-" chuck started.

"If...if you could. Would you have saved mom?" Castiel sniffed as chuck grew quiet for a long time.

"I'd...give my life to save her. You'd know that. I love her..." Chuck stated as castiel turned to face him.

"Good, you know how I feel." Castiel sniffed. "But I still have the chance to. I will save Dean. No matter what. He wouldn't give up on me." 

"...castiel, its going to be hard. You'll have to fight your mothers will in court to even be able to touch the money-" chuck sighed. 

"Then that's what I will do." Castiel sniffed.

"Do what?" 

"I'll fight mother's will." Castiel stated coldly a tear sliding down his cheek. Castiel had to save Dean...he just...had to.


	12. It’s dangerous to fall in love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a really heavy chapter with talks of suicide and the attempt of doing it. I thought I'd give a very clear warning. There is a happy ending at the end but this chapter is very dark. 
> 
>  
> 
> Remember suicide is not the answer and there are places and people who are here to help.  
> http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

To quote Washington Irving,

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.

 

 

Castiel laid on the train tracks, earphones blaring loudly in his ear, as he stared up at the night sky. The cold air nicked at his body, as he slid a smoke to his lips taking in the slow taste of nicotine and suicide. 

Castiel wasn't okay. 

He started crying randomly, never talked, he woke up screaming. 

Castiel wasn't okay. 

His eyes puffy from the tears that couldn't fall anymore, as he rubbed them raw. 

Dean's family with great care had moved him to Detroit. Once the hospital okayed the transfer, and Castiel had returned to chucks home. Finding all his stuff packed and back in his suitcase on Chuck's front porch when they returned. 

It was wrong.

Waking every morning alone. Waking up in unfamiliar sheets, waking up in the middle of the night and not stubbing his toe on Dean's chair. 

It was wrong. 

The Winchester's had accidentally packed one of Dean's shirts into his luggage, which when unpacking he stumbled on. He broke into a fit of tears, burying his face into it and cried for hours. The stupid single white stained black shirt with the words 'it was Laundry day'. The stupid shirt castiel always hated, always wanted to throw it away. The shirt Dean wore the first day they kissed. Right now however it was the most beautiful shirt in existence. 

Castiel wasn't allowed to see Dean. There had been at least three occasions where security collected him before even reaching the front lobby. He'd break down screaming, fighting to see him. Once even punching the security guard in the face. The guy was nice enough not to press charges. 

It should have been him. 

Castiel looked at the stupid pictures of him and Dean, dorky selfies down to extremely blurry movement ones. He'd drink and look at them all as he laid on the train tracks. When he was too drunk to even function he angrily smash the glass bottle and hold the shard to his wrist. Shaking as he roughly pressed the glass against his wrist as though threatening god with the threat of suicide if Dean didn't make it. 

It should have been him. 

He never do it, hand shaking as he'd angrily throw the shard away crying as he covered his eyes. Dean's voice, Dean's talks. He couldn't get Dean's laughter out of his head. Dean haunted his every being, his every second. Dean's presence suffocating and castiel wished he could drown in it. 

 

 

 

 

"I'm sorry about your friend but I see no reason to overturn your mother's wishes." Susan closed the book containing the will, as she slid off her glasses. "The case would be different if you were the one who needed the heart-"

"Listen bitch-" castiel slammed his hand on the table.

"Castiel!" Chuck went to calm him but castiel was screaming already, standing at her desk.

"DEAN NEEDS A NEW HEART! IT IS MY MONEY AND I NEED IT TO SAVE DEAN." Castiel yelled, she didn't react. She just looked unamused at him, sighing softly.

"Once you are eighteen you will be able to do what you wish with your money, but I have a feeling if I gave you this money now you'll waste it and regret it. Boys come and go. If you and this Dean break up...you will have less opportunities with your future if you spend all your money on this." Susan stated calmly, tears slid down castiel's face. 

"...Susan... You can't say this so...coldly...it's a kids life we are talking about." Chuck watched Susan collect her things.

"Chuck, I'm sorry. But my word is law on this. He'll thank me one day." Susan turned walking away. As castiel angrily shoved everything off her desk, chuck didn't try to stop him.

Exiting the courthouse, he pulled his son close as they walked down the steps. Catching a news van lazing about in front of it, the cameraman and reporter hanging out and talking in front of it. Chuck stopped signaling castiel to stay there as he walked down the steps. 

"Hey. You guys want a story?" Chuck asked as the reporter turned. Castiel watched his father talk to the news crews before he ushered Castiel over. 

 

 

 

 

 

"If you haven't heard of the saddest little story of the son of the beloved Actress Ariel Novak, then prepare your water works. Castiel Novak, Ariel's only son has only one request. To save his best friend Dean Winchester. Who is currently suffering from a failing heart and is in need of a transplant-" The female reporter started as Chuck turned it up. Halfway through his spaghetti dinner, when the news came on. It was a very popular story, already trending worldwide.

"He's not my friend." Castiel stated as Chuck turned seeing Castiel holding his knees on the stairs watching the TV. 

"-Castiel has already made three attempts at reasoning with the holder of his mothers will. They have a court case tomorrow morning in hopes of settling this once and for all. With Dean's time running out, millions hope for a good ruling in favor of the teen who just wants to save a life. The young teen only having this to say-" the video cut to castiel on the steps of the courthouse, crying and wiping his tears.

"Dean is...a good in the world...a good that shouldn't be let to fade out. I...just want him okay...he deserves to live to see every star and every day...please I love him so much...don't like my light go out..." Castiel sobbed a complete mess as it returned to the reporter.

"Hash tag #destiel has been charting number one since the story broke as well as kick-" Chuck muted the TV, as Castiel was close to tears wiping his eyes. Chuck moved to him, hugging his son who broke down into tears once more. 

 

 

 

 

 

Chuck softly helped fix castiel's tie as Castiel looked off in the distance with hollow eyes. The longer this dragged out...it had been two weeks since castiel has seen Dean. News reporters constantly tried to get comments out of Dean's family, yet no comment was all the reporters said they said. 

There had been no news on Dean's death. Which castiel almost broke down in tears knowing that was the only way he'd ever know if he did. 

"Looking good castiel." A voice startled him, he turned seeing Dean standing next to him. No. Not dean. A single tear slid down his face. He had started...seeing dean around? His brain must not taking the absence of Dean rather well. He wasn't real and he stood on two legs. 

"What are you looking at?" Chuck asked. 

"Nothing." Castiel wiped his tears.

"I'm nothing now?" The fake dean smiled, as castiel wiped a tear. 

"Let's go inside." Chuck softly lead him into the courthouse. 

"Man, being in a coma near death seriously sucks. I'm missing all the action." Dean took a seat on the judges desk, swinging his legs. "Tell you right now, I'd rather be getting drunk at the train tracks...oh wait. That's you. What would i, dean winchester, rather be doing?" 

Castiel said nothing watching the mirage of his lover ramble, turning at the sound of someone entering the courtroom. Susan. He watched Susan come in. His eyes turned to her as she sat at her desk, looking bright eyed and rested. How dare she be able to sleep at night, castiel's world was hell. He was being consumed by it. Yet this monster slept?

"I got nothing." Dean chuckled after thinking. "All I can think about is just murdering the blonde bitch over there. Just grabbing her head and twist...pop!" Castiel whipped his head around at the Dean on the desk. 

"Dean wouldn't ever say that." Castiel choked out out loud.

"Did you say something?" Chuck asked, castiel ignored him.

"I'm not Dean. We established this." Dean chuckled suddenly lighting a smoke placing it to his lips and blowing out. "I'm the twisted version of him from your sleep deprived suicidal head of yours. Tell me castiel. Do you even remember getting here?"

Castiel didn't. He didn't remember the step of getting here. Getting dressed or getting in the car. Why couldn't he remember? It was like he was just...here. 

Castiel felt a tear fall, as dean was suddenly before him cupping his face, his demeanor changed. He leaned into Dean's touching him as he brushed their lips together. 

"What will you do if I go Castiel?" Dean breathed seriously, as Dean straddled him. Nuzzling against him, wanting Dean near him and to be with him. 

 

 

 

 

For a second they were back in the hotel in Hollywood, naked in each others arms, Dean's eyes closed as he breathed against castiel's lips. 

"If you can't save me? What will you do?" Dean breathed as a tear slid down Dean's face. As castiel rolled them over to top Dean, running lips down his sweat covered naked body. Dean moaned at the kisses. 

"You know what I will do." Castiel breathed as dean moaned softly under him. His tongue darted against the flesh, as Dean ran fingers through castiel's hair. 

"You...lived happily without me before." Dean whimpered and gasped. "You can live happily without me..." Dean opened his legs as castiel moved into the opening. Positioned himself as Dean's hole as he nipped at his ear.

"There's no me without you." Castiel slowly pushed into dean. Dean cried out digging nails into castiel's back, looking into his eyes as castiel started to move. "You being gone. It feel like I'm drowning. Like I can't catch a breath. Like I'm losing part of me."

"Cas!" Dean moaned as he gripped Castiel tighter. Both of his legs circling castiel's waist. 

"I don't know when you became my reason for breathing." Castiel mouthed against his neck. As he gripped Dean's thighs tightly, as though trying to hold on. Trying to bruise the pale skin he knew wasn't really there. "I'm with you till the end, Dean." 

"P-please...castiel." Dean breathed gasping against his skin. "Dean wouldn't-Ah! Want this!"

"I don't want to live in a world without your spark." Castiel mouth on his neck. "I love you so much dean-"

"How much did you take?" Dean breathed. "In that drink this morning?" Tears slid down his face. "How many pills did you pour into that water bottle?" 

"Dean..." Castiel stopped thrusting to look into Dean's eyes. 

"Because they told you no...because they ruled in favorite of Susan?" Dean asked as Castiel shook his head. 

"They haven't decided anything." Tears slid down his face as he shook his head trying to kiss dean but dean turn his face away. 

"...then why did you do it?" Dean sniffed. "Fill the water bottle with pills? Why did you take it to court? Why did you do it at all?!"

"Because...that was my last resort...if they said no...you could have my heart..." Castiel sniffed as Dean was no longer under him. 

 

 

 

 

He was laying on the train tracks, looking up at the stars. Bottle in his hand and the taste of tobacco on his lips. Was that all a dream? He tried to sit up but his hands were bound to the tracks as well as his feet. He kicked roughly, trying to free himself as the sound of a train blared loudly. He turned seeing a train moving towards him at high speeds without attempting to stopping. 

"H-Help!" Castiel struggled. "Help! Someone!" The sound of gravel crunching caused castiel to look up. Dean stood over him looking at him coldly. Emotionless. 

"I thought you wanted to die." Dean stared down at him. 

"Dean! Help please! The train is coming!" Castiel panicked. Chest heaving as he yanked on his bindings. 

"This is what you wanted since the beginning. The day I saw you on the tracks. You wanted to die then. You want it now. Why should I do anything to help you when all you want to do is die?" Dean stared down at him, castiel looked towards the train light, the train coming closer at each second. "If there had been a train then. You'd never have met me! You'd be dead. So I'm sparing you future heartache."

"Dean! Please! Help me!" Castiel started to cry. 

"Why?! Why would I help you?!" Dean yelled.

"Because I'm scared, Dean! I-I don't want to die!" Castiel screamed as he cried harder as the train blew into him. But castiel felt no pain, when he opened his eyes he was laying in a field. Dean holding his hand looking up at the clouds. 

 

 

 

 

 

"W...why is this happening to me?" Castiel breathed as a tear slid down his face.

"After the ruling, you went into the bathroom and swallowed the water you dissolved the pills into..." Dean breathed, squeezing his hand. "They ruled against you, and you decided if they won't give me a heart...you will..."

"So...what is this?" Castiel spoke swallowing.

"This is your spark. Your last spark of life." Dean softly turned looking at him. "This is where you decide if you want to die." 

"How...can I just decide that?" Castiel looked at him. 

"I'm here to help..." Dean softly cupped castiel's face. "I'm your brains last attempt at saving itself...but in the end. Us living or dying is up to you." Castiel remained quiet as Dean scooted into him, holding him close. 

"We could die..." Dean stated softly as castiel softly stroked Dean's head staring up at the clouds. "Its what you wanted right? To be with your mom...?"

"You aren't helping that keeping me alive scenario you talked about." Castiel chuckled but he stopped and went quiet again. "...I'd be with Dean too."

"Not necessarily...maybe Dean's condition turns around and he's able to live longer....but without you I don't see him living that long...broken hearts are deadly." Dean stated. "Dean would cry." 

"...i don't...want dean to cry...." Castiel softly kissed the top of Dean's head. 

"I bet he's awake right now, upset and angry with you." Dean chuckled. 

"Then I wouldn't have to decide. He'd just straight up murder me." Castiel and dean chuckled as Castiel slowly snuggled close to dean. 

"When....you lost your mom...you wanted to die. Yes. But...you were pissed. Angry. You were going to take the whole world swinging...but...losing Dean...you...really did it...I've never see you...us...like this..." Dean stated. 

"I'm tired, dean. So tired of losing people I love..." Castiel felt a tear slid down his face. 

"I remember you once saying you'd never be happy again." Dean stated. "When mom died... But you were. You met dean and fell in love...pain...loss...it hurts...yet, without her death you never would have never met dean...you never would have fallen in love..." Castiel stayed quiet as Dean sat up. 

"...ready for one last stop?" Dean asked smiling softly as Castiel nodded his head. Getting up he let dean take him wherever he wanted. 

 

 

 

 

 

They walked through the fog, till it started to clear. Castiel found himself in the old Detroit train station. It was abandoned and empty, trash and dust cluttering the floor as castiel looked around. 

"A train station?" Castiel asked as Dean moved to sit on the Hand rails. 

"Thought it was fitting." Dean smiled as castiel's eyes caught sight of the two idle trains facing different directions. Both as if on command opened, castiel looked back and forth between the two.

"One train is life and one is death..." Dean's voice made castiel turn. "The choice is yours."

"H...how will I know...?" Castiel choked out.

"You'll know..." Dean states as castiel looked at the doors. "So...are we going the way jack and rose should have gone out. Together. Or are we going to give it one last go...?" 

Castiel said nothing as he stood in silence for a long time. Before turning around and walking onto the train behind him, he took a seat as the train doors closed. His eyes moved out towards Dean who still sat on the railing, as the train moved. He watched Dean softly wave goodbye, castiel wondered if he made the right choice...

 

 

 

 

Castiel's eyes fluttered open as he softly looked around the white room with confusion. Chuck laid sitting next to him asleep in a uncomfortable position. He could hear the beeping and machines next to him. As he touched his own cold nose, he heard the door open to his room. Seeing Sam walk in, sucking on his spoon with what castiel could tell was ice cream. When his eyes landed on castiel he paused. Getting bright eyed he yelled loudly.

"He's awake! Mom! Dad!" Sam yelled as he watched Mary and john walk in. Chuck snorted before sitting up, startled awake by Sam's yell. 

"Cas?" Chuck blinked the tired from his eyes as he moved to instantly kiss and hold castiel's hand. 

"What...happened?" Castiel asked.

"You...tried to kill yourself after they ruled against us." Chuck sniffed as he nuzzled his hand. "I found you in the bathroom and rushed you to a hospital."

"You missed it Cas! The whole world claimed you the star crossed lovers of Detroit! There was fundraising and protests! They put so much pressure on political parties. It was great!" Sam stated as Mary touched his shoulder. 

"Don't overwhelm him." Mary stated. 

"Where's dean?" Castiel asked as Mary touched his other hand. 

"The controversy you stirred put a lot of pressure on The committee... They...they approved a new heart for dean." Mary stated tears in her eyes as Castiel shot up. 

"D-Dean is going to live?" Castiel choked out tears sliding down his face as Mary nodded. 

"He's actually in the room across. We are waiting for him to come to from surgery before we can hundred percent say all is well but- castiel!" Castiel yanked out his IVs, scrambling off the bed. He bolted towards the room, forcing open the door he felt his whole world stop as he laid his eyes on Dean.  
He slowly moved to him, tears sliding down his face as he softly climbed into bed with him. Careful of Dean's chest, he softly snuggled close running fingers through Dean's hair. Dean's body slowly reacted, His eyes slowly blinking open as castiel's breath hitched. They stared into each others eyes in silence, before Dean mumbled softly. 

"What?" Castiel asked. 

"I said a three am burrito sounds great right around now." Dean stated as castiel completely broke into a million pieces at those words. Pulling him into a hard kiss, he sobbed and gripped him tightly never wanting to let go.

 

 

 

 

**Three years later**

 

Dean lightly bit as his finger nails in front of the camera, he hated the fame and cameras that came with the 'star crossed lovers of Detroit.' But castiel begged Dean to agree to a 'where are they now' story. For the people who fought and raised money for Dean's heart. Dean standing in front of a white background in his high school gym. 

"Ugh, Dean we are rolling." The camera man stated as dean yanked his fingers from his mouth. 

"O-oh." Dean gave an awkward smile. God he was so nervous. "I-I'm dean...ugh..."

"They know who you are." The camera man stated. 

"Uh..." Dean scrambled with trying to make words. 

"How about I ask you things and you answer?" The cameraman offered. 

"That would be great." Dean laughed nervously. 

"So Dean, how old are you now?" The cameraman asked. 

"I-I just turned eighteen." Dean smiled looking at the camera man. "Today is my birthday."

"Good. Look at the camera. Not me." The man said as dean slowly adjusted himself. 

"Oh." Dean stated.

"Happy birthday." The man smiled.

"T-thanks." Dean smiled softly. 

"So what happened with the money that was raised for you?" The cameraman asked.

"I-i gave most of it to charity. A-a bit though went to my new leg." Dean leaned down exposing the new prosthetic. "Which...was awesome i-i could do. Thanks...all of you..." 

"Describe Castiel in one word." The cameraman offered.

"Dick." Dean stated without hesitation. 

"How about a TV friendly word?" The cameraman sighed. 

"Uh...." Dean looked up as though thinking roughly on this. ".. .What's a TV friendly word for dick?"

"Alrighty then, next question. How is castiel?" The cameraman asked. 

"He's doing well. He's had a couple acting gigs since this happened, but he's decided the spotlight isn't for him. He's actually planning to open and run a caregiving facility for the disabled as his future career." Dean stated a big smile on his face. 

"How about you?" 

"Well, I myself am being donated an old building to run as my community suicide counseling center. For now we are still operating in the old building. Its cramped since a lot of people started to show but its always open." Dean smiled.

"What are you planning to call it?" 

"One Last Stop. Its kind of like a reminder to come in and get help before you do something you might regret." Dean looked at the camera man again. 

"Look at the camera. Not me." The man said as dean slowly adjusted himself. 

"O-oops." Dean laughed nervously.

"How are you and castiel's relationship?" The man asked. 

"Great. Though we miss living in the same house. Nothing's changed. We still constantly bicker about stupid things. Like yesterday I had to totally almost kill him for making me late to history." Dean laughed. 

"Wait...isn't history your fourth class? You were still on campus and your history class is literally down three doors down from your third class. What were you guys doing that would make you late-" the man questioned. 

"Next question!" Dean laughed going deep red looking at the camera man.

"...dean don't look at me. Look at the....ugh. Could someone send in our last resort?" The camera man called. 

"W-wait? What's your last resort?" Dean questioned as the door opened and closed. Castiel slowly appeared on screen, as Dean got a goofy smiled on his face. 

"You're their last resort?" Dean blushed as Castiel couldn't get the smile off his face.

"Okay, Dean. Look at castiel and the audience what you love about Castiel?" The cameraman asked. 

"T-to Castiel?" Dean blushes as he went deep red. 

"Yes, Dean." The cameraman sighed.

"O-okay...he's stubborn, stupidly annoying, you always hog the covers, you never close your mouth when you chew, you hate home improvement shows and you refuse to acknowledge the firefly movie Serenity because Walsh-" Dean had started to ramble but the cameraman stopped him.

"Dean, I said thing you love about castiel." The camera man stated again. 

"Oh. I know." Dean smiled softly as castiel stepped forward taking his hands. "U-uh castiel. We are still rolling, I don't think this is what they wanted you to do-"

"You are such a cry baby, you hate plain eggs for whatever reason, you refuse to watch anything twice, you always smack me in my sleep because you sprawl out everywhere, you never make the bed, you have this unforgivable moan that makes me go crazy with lust-" castiel started to ramble. 

"C-Cas..." Dean went deep red as Castiel softly kneeled down.

"I have a million reasons why I love the ever living fuck out of your stupid fuck face. I could list them all till you want but...I don't think the camera guy would appreciate that." Castiel kissed Dean's hand. 

" 'stupid fuck face'? " Dean scoffed. "Cute, says the guy who one time at his cousins wedding-...." Dean sucked in air and went silent as Castiel had pulled out a ring. It was quiet for a long time as Dean slowly put his hand to his lips. "I...is this a joke?"

"N-No." Castiel laughed nervously. 

"T-This better not be a joke Castiel Anthony Shirley, or I will kill you. Because this is not funny!" Dean felt tears sliding down his face as Castiel chuckled. 

"Babe, its not. Its serious. I'm seriously asking you to marry me." Castiel chuckled at Dean reaction. "Dean, will you marry me or will you not?" Dean sniffed nodding. 

"Yes or no?" Castiel repeated to be a dick.

"Yes, you ass." Dean sobbed as Castiel slid the ring onto Dean's finger before standing. 

"Come here you, cry baby." Castiel teased as Dean walked quickly into his arms and held him close as Dean sobbed and gripped him tightly. Castiel kissed His skin as nuzzled him for a long while. Before Dean whispered something in castiel's ear. 

"...really?" Castiel smiled happily, as Dean whispered inappropriate things into his ear. "...even with the...? You'll let me...?" Castiel got a big dorky smile as he held Dean close. "U-Uh interview over guys! W-We suddenly have a thing!" 

"But!" The camera man tried to object as Castiel picked up Dean, who laughed at Castiel's hurried demeanor. 

"How about we do this in our new apartment?" Castiel asked holding up keys as Dean gasped. 

"C-Castiel! You didn't!" Dean touched the keys. 

"Turned eighteen remember? Plus its Big apartment with two bedrooms..." Castiel hinted.

"Guys." The cameraman tried to get his attention.

"T-Two?" Dean felt his breath be taken away as a big smile filled his face. 

"Don't worry, I plan for a couple years of honeymoon before that though." Castiel kissed him. 

"Guys!" The cameraman yelled. "We still need more footage!"

"This is a once and a lifetime opportunity i can't pass up sorry? Not sorry!" Castiel stated as he yanked his car keys from his pocket, running with Dean down the hall. 

"GUYS!" The cameraman yelled after them.

"You don't understand! Pink thong!" Castiel yelled back.

"Castiel! Don't tell them!" Dean smacked them as they turned the corner. 

"Ouch!" Castiel whined.

The cameraman sighed as recorded the silence for a bit. The cameraman reaching over and turned the camera off, the screen slowly fading to black. 

"I guess...that's a wrap."


End file.
